


Yearn No More

by TemenCMoth



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-01-16 08:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18517756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TemenCMoth/pseuds/TemenCMoth
Summary: One night in the woods, an old traveler gives Snufkin a blessing, a curse, which leaves him quite unlike himself. It stands to be what will hold out: Snufkin's affliction, or Moomin's heart.





	1. White Fireflies Came in the Night

**Author's Note:**

> Potential triggers at the end of the work. As always, enjoy works with caution! 
> 
> Everything is subject to editing here, haha. I have about 6k words written and feel like this is gonna end up around 10k. We'll see how that one turns out orz.
> 
> It's veyr late at night. Please enjoy!
> 
> Edit: Also, [my tumblr](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com) if you'd like to visit me there!

Snufkin was alone.

 

The night was dark, just waxing from a new moon. Snufkin's fire was dying, as the night was warm enough he felt he could sleep without it going, and his modest dinner of peas and coffee was already in his stomach.

Snufkin was noodling on his harmonica, half-heartedly composing a song of the summer to play for his friends when he returned. He missed seeing them more than he imagined he would, which is to say he would have liked their company at any point. He found himself feeling this way more and more lately.

As he played, he heard a louder than usual rustling in the bushline around the clearing, with an unusual clacking coming in a steady rhythm. The night birds announced an approach as well, sounding off where they likely were in the forest-- Close, and getting closer.

Snufkin was curious enough to keep up his facade of disinterest in his surroundings, to let this guest present themselves if they wished. Soon, the source of the noise made itself clear.

It was a woman, looking more akin to Snufkin and Little My than Sniff or the Moomin family. She was older, age etched into her very tanned face, a pack on her back that looked the same weight as Snufkin's. Her back was somewhat stooped to the weight of it, and a collection of bottles was what sounded on her waist as she moved. Her eyes were not particularly kind or unkind, but they were open with unprying curiosity. Snufkin recognized the shine from his own.

She gestured to the other side of the small fire and Snufkin, taking it as a request to sit near his fire, nodded his head and continued to play. It was not often he passed someone of his ilk. He wondered idly if the creatures of the forest talked about her the same way they talked about him.

She smiled, eyes closed, taking in the music. Her paws tapped on the ground, following Snufkin's inconstant rhythm. Snufkin closed his eyes again, letting the melody carry the interaction. It came up and down mountains, along rivers, and danced with all of the people he had met on his journey, unrefined and unspecific, but skillfully played. it would become something great one day.

The woman clapped her calloused hands after he played the last notes.

"Lovely, just lovely. Oh-- What a song. Bravo! Bravo!"

"Why thank you." Snufkin smiled and held his harmonica aloft again. "Would you like to hear another?"

"Actually, I was hoping you'd tell me the title, so I might request it again?"

He put the instrument back in his lap, seeing that the woman was after conversation on a lonely road more than music. "Hmm. I don't think I'll give it a name yet. I haven't played it often enough to understand its nature."

"It's an original?" She looked delighted, her crows feet deepening. "How wonderful! You have an real ear for this, young man. I could listen all night long!"

"I wouldn't go that far." Snufkin couldn't help but smile, a little blandly. He was unused to so much praise, and wondered if the should ask the woman away from his camp. "I'm just very practiced, as my instrument is an easy thing to play on the road."

"Ahh, you look a seasoned traveler." The woman pulled off her own pack, setting it beside her with a wink.

"You're right on that part, seems it takes one to know one." Snufkin gave a smile and fingered the design on the mouth organ. "I travel along these roads alone most of the time. One must have something to do besides philosophize. Though, I must admit they often coincide."

She laughed. "I must think they do! And, while I do not play myself, I know that good music must be played with the heart, even if the mind is present." She leered at him, the fire flickering on her face. "You must tell me son, who was on your heart to have you make that music? Which is it you love?"

Snufkin laughed. "My only loves are my freedom and my harmonica, I'm afraid." He smacked the side of it against his palm, proud. "I've all I need in what you see before you."

She narrowed her eyes, but kept a smile. "Oh? What do you yearn for then?"

"Hm." Snufkin thought carefully of what crossed his mind during his impromptu performance. "Considering it, I am looking forward to my time in Moomin Valley again. Have you been? It's a wonderful place. Just on the other side of the Lonely Mountains."

"I don't believe I have."

Snufkin's chest glowed thinking about the valley. "Oh yes, just beautiful, lots of friendly people."

"I love lovely places." She said jocularly. "You speak with such fondness... Does your family live there then?"

Snufkin laughed. " _Tech_ nically yes, they live nearby, but we're not close. But the Moomins live in the valley. I'm not sure who took the name from who, I'm afraid. But I can say they're as good as family to anybody who comes their way."

She kept her gaze on him. "I know the road can be beautiful, but lonely. It must be lovely having a home to come back to."

Snufkin pulled his hat down a bit. "Well, I don't know if I'd call it my home."

"So you wouldn't say you love it? Love the family? Love someone _in_ the family, maybe?"

"What are you, a mother looking for grandchildren?" He joked. The woman laughed, and Snufkin smiled, remembering white fur. "My home is in my travels. _And_ ," he emphasized, "I don't have anybody I love in the way you likely mean."

She made a noise in the back of her throat, leaning back a bit. "Are you someone who doesn't like anyone in that way? I don't mean to pry to far."

Snufkin thought. "No, it's not that. I simply don't have anyone that's caught my eye."

"Ah. I thought as much." She sighed heavily. She she turned and looked wistful into the dark of the woods. "You know, I spent much of my time wandering when I was young. Young _er_ , I should say," she said with good humor, "I'm obviously a spring chicken. Albeit one with far more life experience than you, little egg.

"And though you say it is not a home, to have a place to belong is a blessing."

She did not turn to face him. "Young man, Will you play this hen another song?"

She stayed silent after that. Snufkin raised the harmonica to his lips again, playing a riff on the song she approached. The valley was at the forefront of his mind now, as he had only left on a quick jaunt in the middle of summer to retrieve more of the coffee he preferred (in fact, one of the few physical pleasures he felt strongly enough about to to seek out). His thoughts picked up on the extra he had gotten for Moominmama, then Moomin, then days with Moomin, then the white fur of his friends's fur, then the shine of his eyes, his kindness, Moomin, Moomin, Moomin.

"There's that longing again." The woman remarked, cutting off the tune, eyes closed and face soaking in the scant light of the sky. "And it cannot be for the instrument you play, or for freedom... No, I misspeak, it must be. All longing is for freedom."

"What do you mean by that?" Asked Snufkin, genuinely curious.

"Yearning is always for freedom. It is itself a freedom from yearning something. freedom from wanting something we do not have, freedom from what is keeping us from having it, freedom from it affecting us so greatly. Any of those will do." She peeked an eye open, and Snufkin was struck by the intensity of being in its gaze. "Tell me, young man, who were you thinking of when you played that tune?"

Snufkin put his hands to the side, surrendering himself to her look. "No one, as I said before."He leaned forward, intrigued. "But I'm fascinated by what you've just said, would you care to clarify?"

"Who were you thinking of?" She countered.

"Moomin Valley."

"Not someone _in_ the valley?"

Snufkin's mouth was somewhat dry. "My friends there crossed my mind, yes."

"It's as I feared."

"Is it?"

"You, dear child, are thinking of someone or someones you love." Her back arched down, as if carrying the weight of her words tired her. "Whoever you love was written so plainly into every note. It was a song of yearning and longing to be together with the person you love." She sighed deeply. "Will you at least confirm there is someone you wish to be with?"

"I-I don't see why I should--"

"Humor an old woman." The intensity was replaced by a sadness. Her stooped back ,the age on her face, her wringing hands all seemed to dominate the cheer she carried with her arrival. "Humor an old hen."

Snufkin began to feel some panic rise in the back of his throat, though he did not know why. "There is no one."

The woman looked at him, then through him, then to the sky. She sighed even more laboriously and heaved herself up. "Very well." She unhooked one of the bottles from her belt. "Since you have given me the gift of your music and company, I will give you a gift as well."

She shook the sealed bottle in her hand, and suddenly pinpricks of light flickered like fireflies, glowing the color of moonlight.

Snufkin stuffed his harmonica back into his pocket and stood as well, putting out his arms placatingly. "Ma'am, I can assure you, there is no need for--"

"Don't you start with me!" She pointed her free finger at him, scolding like a mother to a child. "I've given you the chance to be honest, again and again." She declared. "You remind me to much of myself, and since it seems you will not help yourself, I am giving you a chance."

Snufkin watched, afraid to make a move, mind racing to how to resolve this tension.

The bottle of light was blinking faster and faster, until the bottle was full up of glowing. The cork popped off the bottle and brilliantly white smoke began to pour out, but instead of falling on the ground it wound itself through the air and into her empty palm until all of the light was gone. She squeezed her fist, and all at once the light was gone completely.

Snufkin took a breath to speak, but it was a bit too late to do so.

The woman pointed a finger across the fire to him and Snufkin began to experience a spinning of the world more intense than any he had felt before. He collapsed onto the ground rising to meet him.

"You remind me so much of myself, you know. Too much. Stubborn, insistent that our own company was only thing we ever needed... Sure, we had the company of the world, but we were ignoring the rest of our heart." She said wistfully, putting a comforting hand on his back as his world rocked. "Unable to move past our yearning, turn it into getting. Hurting ourselves and those around us with our so called ' _selflessness_.'"

The world pulsed in white and red and black for Snufkin, spots before his eyes like a field of dancing Hattifattiners in the dark. His blood rushed in his ears, barely able to hear the woman.

"We are wrong. But you, _you_ still have time to see that. To be better. To love better."

Just before Snufkin lost the light completely, before the white was fed completely to the dark, he heard her whisper something sadly. It sounded almost more present in his brain than his ear. "I did not have this opportunity, young one. Treasure the gift I have given you. I will not allow you to waste your heart like I did mine."

" _Yearn no more, little egg_."

 

On that word, everything went black.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started watching Moominvalley and the difference between anime Snufkin and CG Snufkin is hilarious.
> 
> Anime Snufkin: Come, sit by my fire, you must be cold.
> 
> Finnish Snufkin: Oh my GOD leave me aLONE
> 
> All Snufkins are good Snufkins, RT if you agree. 
> 
> That said this is likely going to be a mixed Moomin bag when it comes to character influence. Having such a large body of very different works basically means I can do whatever I want ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Please leave a comment and/or kudos! I appreciate feedback, even if it's just typo correction for my dyslexic ass lol
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this far!


	2. A Thousand Dragons

 

The door to Moominhouse slammed open.

"Moominmama! Moominpapa!" Little My yelled. "Follow me!"

She ran up to Moominpapa and grabbed his hand, urging him towards the door.

"Woah Little My!" Moominpapa said, reaching for his signature tophat. "What's happened?"

"It's Snufkin!" Little My said, voice unusually terse, even for her. "We found him in the forest just lying there, and we can't wake him up!"

"Oh dear," Said Moominmama, following behind them with her purse. "Did he look hurt?"

"No, he didn't look like anything."

"Where did you find him?" Moominpapa asked, holding onto his hat.

"Up in the forest, in that spot he camps sometimes when the river floods." said Little My.

Moominpapa and Moominmama followed Little My into the forest, where Moomin leaned above Snufkin's prone form.

"Moominmama! Moominpapa!" Moomin waved them over. "Thank goodness you're here, something's really wrong with Snufkin!"

Snufkin laid on the forest floor, backpack propped against a tree, harmonica bulging in his pocket, hat folded under his head. He was flat on his back, with his arms folded on top of his chest. He looked by most accounts peaceful, but there was an aura, an unmistakable impression that his perfectly placed position was more a message than a nap in the woods.

Little My stood over him as well, looking at his face upside down with her arms crossed. "Snufkin never sleeps like this, not even when he's pretending. He's usually all curled up with his hat over his face." Little my exposisted. "And when we tried to wake him up, he didn't budge! We talked, we nudged, we shouted, we hit--"

"You hit!" Said Moomin, tearing his gaze away from the prone Snufkin, "I tried to wake him up peacefully!"

"It's not nice to hit, Little My, but thank you for trying to make sure he was okay." Moominmama said as she and Moominpapa sat beside Snufkin. "It doesn't look like he has any injuries, which is good news." She pulled out a vial of yellow salts, opening it with a pop. She waved it under Snufkin's nose, and furrowed her brows when he didn't stir.

"Has anyone sent for the doctor?" Asked Moominpapa.

Moomin pointed in the other direction. "We sent Sniff and Snorkmaiden for him. We were all playing out together in the woods when we found him." He looked sad. "He must have been coming back from getting his coffee. Maybe if I had been waiting for him..."

"Don't act like you weren't distracted the whole time." Little My snarked. "I didn't think you guys would actually die without each other."

"Oh, you--!"

"Good call with the doctor, kids." Moominpapa got up and looked at Snufkin's belongings, neatly packed but out in the open. "And good call not leaving him alone." He came back and took a closer look at Snufkin's face, and noticed some dampness around the collar. "Water didn't wake him up either, eh?"

Moomin looked embarrassed this time. "No."

"Have we got a heartbeat?" Moominpapa asked. At the kids' terrified look, he hurriedly clarified "Obviously he's still alive! But if it's too slow or too fast we might learn something useful!"

"Try and word these things a little more delicately, Papa." Moominmama said, sweeping Snufkin's bangs away from his face to get a better feel for his forehead temperature.

"I'll listen for his heartbeat!" Moomin said.

He lay the side of his head on Snufkin's chest to try and find his heart. His chest moved slowly up and down with Snufkin's deep breaths, and if he focused-- There! He could hear a da-thump, da-thump, dathump-dathump-dathump--

"He's waking up!"

Moomin sprang back. He watched Snufkin's eyes flutter beneath his eyelids, before they scrunched tighter against the sunlight. He finally blinked his eyes open and looked into Moomin's.

"He's not dead?" Asked Little My.

"He isn't, thank goodness!" Said Moominmama. "How do you feel Snufkin? Do you have any injuries we can't see? Can you tell me where you are?" She put a soothing hand against his cheek.

Snufkin ignored Moominmama's questioning of symptoms in favor of keeping his focus on Moomin's face, through the cycle of waking from consciousness to comprehension dawning in his eyes.

"Snufkin?" Moomin asked. "Are you alright?"

Snufkin just blinked at Moomin.

"Snufkin?" Moomin asked again.

"Yes, my dove?" He breathed.

 _Dove_?

"Are-Are you alright?"

Snufkin reached out his hand and put it on Moomin's cheek. He broke out into a loving, radiant smile, eyes shining as well as crinkling under the feeling. "I am now."

He collapsed again, this time limbs falling where they may instead of in a elegant pose.

This was odd behavior for Snufkin, the passing out being the least of it. The pet names, self-initiated physical affection, the naked feeling on his face. Moomin was feeling just as flustered as when he sent first met him unresponsive on the forest floor, though confusion rather than terror was at the forefront.

"Well, he was responsive, and it doesn't look like he's injured." Moominpapa knelt down and arranged his limbs. "Let's get him back to the house."

"Oh my, I wonder what happened?" Moominmama checked him over again, worried but also comforted by Snufkin's brief waking.

"Nothing too bad I hope." Moominpapa lifted Snufkin over his shoulder. "He seemed pretty happy to see Moomin, at least."

"Yes, It must be comforting to see your best friend after something happens."

Moomin had his hand over his cheek where Snufkin pressed against him.

"Will you two gather his things?" Moominpapa asked, he and Moominmama already on their way back.

Moomin snapped out of his feeling and voiced his assent before busying himself with wheeling up Snufkin's bedroll. Surely, it was the worry which caused his pounding heart and not the light in Snufkin's eyes.

 

* * *

  
Moominhouse was in an uneasy quiet. There was some difficulty maneuvering the staircase, but Snufkin was put to bed safely. All the Moomins (and Little My) where taking a break from looking over him, but the family couldn't resist glancing at the staircase. Moominmama had the stove, where she was preparing some drinks; Moominpapa brought down some writing to edit; Little My was working through a plate of cookies; but Moomin only had the fiddling of his fingers.

Moomin had, until a few minutes ago, been sitting vigil by Snufkin's side, where he would be happy to remain, but was coaxed down by Moominmama.

"Mama," Moomin asked, "Can I go back up and see Snufkin?"

Moominmama sighed. "I know you have good intentions Moomin, but the doctor said he'd probably be sleeping for another hour. I'm worried you'll drive yourself crazy up there all alone."  
  
"I won't be alone, I'll have Snufkin!" Moomin protested. "And what if something goes wrong? No one will be there for him!" Moomin stood again, ready to run up to see his friend. 

"Snufkin won't be much company I'm afraid." Moominpapa moved his eyes to Moomin from the stairs. "The doctor said everything was alright with Snufkin physically, and we won't know about his mentality until he wakes up again. Trust the doctor, Moomin. It may be hard, but patience is a virtue." He tapped his papers square. "Besides, what trouble could he possibly fall into alone in our guest room?"

"Lots could go wrong Papa!" Moomin's tail swished in agitation. "What if he falls out of bed? Or doesn't know where he is? Or feels awful but he lost his voice and can't call to us? Or chokes on the water we gave him? Or--"

"Maybe we should send him up there, just to shut him up." Offered Little My.

"Moomin." Said Moominmama. "I understand you're worried, but you might make Snufkin feel worse by fretting about bad things that might or might not happen to him. Snufkin is resourceful, and tough besides. You know that better than most."

Moomin sat, chastised, deciding to wait out the fragility of the silence so he could perhaps walk up the stairs without comment. The kettle whistled on the stove, taking Moominmama's attention, and Moominpapa cleared his throat and shuffled his papers as Little My went back to her cookies. Moomin's gaze went back down to his hands, biding his time in misery that tried to calm.

There was a steady thump, thump, thump of bootsteps down the wooden stairs.

"Snufkin!" Cried Moomin, racing to the bottom of the steps so fast his chair almost fell over. The steps came faster.

"Moomin!" Snufkin cried with just as much enthusiasm, skipping the last couple steps and leaping into his arms, nearly knocking Moomin off balance.

"Oof!" Moomin frantically righted himself, squeezing Snufkin tighter so he wouldn't fall out of his grasp.

Snufkin laughed breathlessly when Moomin had both feet back on the ground, letting his feet drop on the floor, but keeping his arms wrapped around Moomin's shoulders. He pulled back and looked Moomin in the eye adoringly. "I knew you could catch me!" He began nuzzling against the soft fur on the top of Moomin's head, making his ears twitch. "I knew I can always rely on you. You're so strong Moomin." He said in a low voice, almost purring into the soft white fur.

The room took a second of confused silence.

"Oh. Um. Glad to see you're up Snufkin." Said Moominmama, the first to regain her composure. "Would you like to sit with us?"

He pulled back out to look at Moomin, almost pouting. "Are you going to sit with me, Moomin?"

"Um. Sure." Moomin's head was spinning, trying to catch up to the past minute, his hands around Snufkin's waist, Snufkin's hands around his shoulders, Snufkin's pleading eyes on him. "Let's go sit. You passed out not too long ago, we need to make sure you're alright."

Snufkin smiled softly and mostly detached himself, unwrapping his arms from Moomin's shoulders. He then grabbed one of Moomin's paws from around his waist, bought it to his lips, and then led him to the table. When they arrived, he pulled out a chair for Moomin before sitting himself down next to Moomin, scooting closer and taking his hand again.

"Hi Moomin." Said Snufkin.

"Hi Snufkin." Said Moomin, confused.

"So. Snufkin dear." Moominmama said, turning off the fire for the kettle.

Snufkin still looked to Moomin. "Mm-hmm?"

"What the heck happened to you?!" Demanded Little My. "You were just laying on the ground outside! We couldn't wake you up for anything! What gives!?"

"Hm." Snufkin took his eyes from Moomin, but leaned into Moomin's side a bit. "I'm sorry, I must have given you all a real scare." He tapped his thumb against the side of Moomin's paw, like he did sometimes with his fishing pole. "Last night I was visited by an older woman. She liked my Harmonica playing--" He leaned into Moomin. "I was thinking of you while playing, but didn't say."

Snufkin's thumb hadn't stopped its ministrations, and his warm eyes were back on Moomin. "Every song I play nowadays is for you, Moomin. I should play you some of my newest ones, I love to know you're listening." He leaned in and whispered "Sometimes I just want to feel like you're with me, so I'll play the ones you like again and again."

Woah! Moomin felt Snufkin saying these things was going to be dangerous to his heart. His heart beat tattoos like this before today, but the relentlessness was a real problem. It throbbed every-time Snufkin expressed this-- new adoration, every time he touched Moomin like something special to him. Sure, they were best friends, but one doesn't say it like this! Snufkin least of all-- it took years for the wanderer to admit he even missed Moomin on his journeys. Where did all of this come from?

"So, there was an older woman..." Moominpapa prompted, after the silence.

"Oh, yes. Well," Snufkin sat back, dissapointed he couldn't whisper more things into Moomin's ears. "I didn't tell her the song was for Moomin, and she decided she wanted to help me." He nodded, satisfied in his telling of the story.

"Help you?" Moominpapa sounded concerned. "Help you, eh, why?"

"Well, I just couldn't be honest. She was worried about all the love I didn't say." He turned back to Moomin. "Hi Moomin."

Moomin felt faint.

"Then she helped you, ah, how?"

Snufkin looked to the ceiling, the lamp shining in his eye. "You know, I don't remember that part exactly. She said she'd give me a chance, I passed out, and then..." He had the breathless quality back and leaned his face dangerously back into Moomin's space. "I was woken up by The Prince to my Sleeping Beauty."

"I'm nobody's prince," Said Moomin, unable to look at him anymore. Snufkin was more the prince, with all of his flowery words and declarations. "I was just worried about you, same as everyone else."

"More than anyone else." Little My said,spitting crumbs. 

Snufkin just smiled harder and bought Moomin's hand up to his mouth. "And that's why I care for you so much." He kissed the fur and Moomin was at war between the thought that he should put a stop to this or that he should cherish every second of his friend's strange conduct.

"But how did she help you dear?" Asked Moominmama.

"Well, I woke to Moomin, which would be help enough on its own, but now look at me!" He bumped his shoulder into Moomin's and stayed there. "I no longer feel afraid to show Moomin how I feel, it's fantastic!" His hand squeezed Moomin's tightly, but not painfully.

"So you don't remember what she did to you?"

Snufkin's eyes glazed over a bit. "How is unimportant, Moominpapa."

Moominpapa looked worriedly to his son. "And how do you feel about all this, Moomin? He's being awfully forward."

Moomin jumped. "Oh, I..." He looked to Snufkin, who looked patient as always. His head was too full of buzzing to articulate much of anything. "I don't think I mind too much?"

Snufkin smiled brightly. "Dove, that brings me so much happiness." He kissed Moomin's hand again. Again! He kissed Moomin's hand again, what ever happened to Moomin's friend that has a look of distaste at the mention of marriage? Who once pushed Snorkmaiden in the river after an impromptu hug?

"My Snufkin, I didn't know you had all of this in you!" Moominpapa laughed. "You could've had the hand of any girl in the valley if you'd've gone around with those moves!" Moominpapa laughed. "He could've done far worse than you Moomin. Not that you're not a great man on your own, but you enjoy his company quite a bit. Sometimes, I feel you'd give up another dragon to hang around our Snufkin more."

"I would give up a thousand dragons for you, Moomin." Sunfkin said like a secret, running a thumb over the back of the hand he had kissed. "Just being next to you is more than I could ever ask."

Little My retched. "That's the grossest thing anyone's ever said! And what was that before? The nuzzling and kissing? Dis-gusitng! You're lucky I wasn't sick at the sight of it!"

"Oh goodness." Moomin was a bit frozen, thinking back to the happiness finding the dragon gave him, then thinking of something which would give him that happiness a thousand times over. He wondered if his chest was even big enough for the feeling. "Oh gosh."

Moominmama put a hand on her cheek. "That was-- this is all quite-- Ahem." She turned and busied herself with the kettle. "I was making you coffee Snufkin dear. Let me fetch you a cup."

"How many dragons am I worth? It better be so much more!" demanded Little My.

"Little My, you can be worth as many dragons as you like." Moominmama placated, setting a cup of hot coffee in front of Snufkin.

"It'll never be as much as Moomin." Little My pouted.

"Not to me, no." Snufkin didn't make a move towards his coffee, a mesmerized gleam in his eye looking at his and Moomin's connected hands. He laid his other atop admiringly. "Gosh, I don't know why I haven't held your hand the whole time I've known you. I've wanted to do it properly for so long, and it's even better than I thought." He smiled and stroked it. "Every part of you is, inside and out. I never want to stop learning new things about it."

"Er, well, he does need to sleep sometime." Moominpapa said, then to head off any protest, insisted "Why don't you drink some of your coffee Snufkin? It might get cold."

Snufkin looked to Moominmama, then to the ceiling, contemplative. He looked to his hands, then took the top one off while entwining the fingers of the other with Moomin's digits. "Is this okay?" He asked Moomin, eyes shining at him the way Moominpapa would sometimes look at Moominmama when she did something especially brilliant.

Moomin looked away quickly and nodded his head yea. "Yes, I'd hate for you to drink cold coffee. And it might make you feel more yourself."

Snufkin smiled and turned his head. He picked up the cup. "Thank you, Moominmama." He took a sip and looked at Moomin again. "And thank you, Moomin." He squeezed Moomin's hand.

"There's nothing to thank me for!" Insisted Moomin, his face and palm growing hot. "Nothing at all!"

Snufkin just smiled a contrary smile and tightened his hand again.

"I must admit, it is nice to see you at the table instead of the sofa." Moominpapa put his papers down fully, giving up the idea of pretending to read them. "If this wears off, we'd still like to see you with the family."

"Oh, my love for Moomin would never wear off. A thousand dragons, I said."

Little My retched.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Why on earth doesn't Google Chrome like "dissapointed?" It's like an actual word, right? Also, I don't know if you guys ever watched Making Fiends, but I couldn't get Little My's voice being Vendetta out of my head.
> 
> Also I just wanted to say that I've been BLOWN AWAY by all the response this fic has gotten! I've got like, a 25% ratio of kudos to views which is goddamn INSANE. And such nice comments!! Thank you to everyone who has dropped a comment or kudos! And if you haven't why don't you just drop a little click on that kudos, button, for your old friend a fic writer you've never met?
> 
> Notes from Next Chapter (Hopefully up Next Friday): Mmmmmoooore flower hunt?just to round it ouuutttt?/CUTE LITTLE BALCONY SCENE NOSE BONK BABY YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH


	3. Flower Finders

  
Moomin was working with Moominmama in the garden, digging up potatoes that had just been blossoms. They worked to the strains of Snufkin's harmonica, carrying from the veranda.

Moomin threw a group of potatoes into the awaiting barrel, now half-full of the crop. He was thinking carefully to the question Mamamoomin asked, regarding the source of the music.

"Well Mama, I'm not sure what I think, because I don't know if it's real." Confided Moomin. "This might be Snorkmaiden's princess phase all over again. How can we trust what he says does when he's been affected?"

Moominmama glanced to the veranda. "You do have a point. But I feel we can trust at least the spirit of he says."

Moomin looked unimpressed. "Mama, he said he literally never wanted to stop holding my hand. Am I supposed to believe he wants to hold my tail or my leg forever?"

"That's not quite what I mean. And I think you might know that, Moomin." Moominmama scolded. "At worst, I feel what Snufkin tells you might be an... amplification of his feelings." She handed Moomin an armful of root vegetables, barely free of grime. "I know he holds you in high regard, Moomin, and your friendship means a lot to him. Holding someone's hand means you want to be close to them."

As Moomin stood to deliver his haul to the awaiting cask, he looked to Snufkin on the porch. Snufkin caught his eye and smiled best he could without stopping, mostly by way of his eyes, and the tune gave a little flit before calming again. It sounded of happiness, and contentment, and excitement. Moomin ignored the happy flutter in his chest, replacing it with an empty guilt.

Moomin threw the potatoes in the bin almost hard enough to blemish them. "I hate that awful woman."

Moominmama stopped moving through the dark dirt, surprised at his harsh tone. "Why such language?"

"It's not harsh enough! She's done an awful thing to Snufkin, Made his brain all screwy-- What will happen when Snufkin snaps out of it? He's going to feel miserable!" Moomin huffed and tore off his gardening gloves. "Why am I gardening why my friend is suffering so?"

Moominmama pulled hers off as well, more gently, going to grab her handbag. "Have you considered that he's expressing his own feelings, Moomin?"

Moomin shook his head fiercely. "Snufkin values his freedom over everything. Even if they were his own feelings, he should be allowed to say them himself!" Moomin shrunk in on himself a little. "Not that they are."

Moominmama took a handkerchief from her purse. She licked the kerchief, taking it to a smudge of dirt on Moomin's cheek. "That's a good thought Moomin, but we can never know someone else's heart." Moomin was too preoccupied to protest.

"Maybe not." His ear twitched. "But we can be pretty sure he wouldn't give a thousand dragons for me. In fact, the curse could have been targeted at anyone! Who says it was about Snufkin and me? It might just-- It might just be because he saw me first. He's already less... All over me than he was earlier." Moomin's ears sagged, and Moominmama took her handkerchief away. "It might just be because he saw me first. That's how things like this figure out much of the time."

Moominmama looked at Moomin, trailing his gaze to Snufkin. Snufkin's songs often expressed more emotion than his words, and even with his now wide open words his music showed still more of his heart. Moominmama had little doubt of Snufkin's feelings.

She also felt pretty certain of her son's, but decided to let the possibility lie.

"You're right on that being common." She folded the kerchief and replaced it in her purse. "Well, curses and grand declarations of love aren't common. But, in stories, many use 'at first sight' as a rule." She took up her purse, and began to laugh. "In a way, we are lucky. Like Papa said earlier, you can also see it as a blessing that you were the one he saw first."  
  
"How so?" Moomin asked, pulling out of his misery at his mother's laughter.

"Could you imagine if Snufkin doted on Papa, or Little My?"

Moomin shook his head, skin crawling. "Bleh! I don't even like imagining that. Let's just finish the chores, Mama."

"If that's what you'd like."

Moomin out the lid on the barrel, hammering it down with a thunk. The hollow feeling hadn't left.

* * *

"Hey." Said Little My, popping into Snufkin's eyeline. "What are you doing? Is it boring?"

Snufkin took his harmonica away when it was clear she wouldn't leave until she felt she had sufficiently pestered him. "Well, I was playing."

"And looking at Moomin and Moominmama digging up potatoes?" Little My asked disdainfully. "It is boring."

Snufkin hummed an affirmative, eyes going gooey at Moomin hefting a barrel over his shoulder and walking it to the house. "Moomin is very strong, isn't he?" Snufkin mused.

"All of the Moomins are strong. Mama can lift me with just one hand. My teeth can break skin, Papa can bore to death, and you can catch almost a whole fish a day. I don't see how it's interesting."

"If you find someone you love one day, you'll get it."

Little My wrinkled her nose at the thought. "I'd rather not."

"That's fine too."

"How are you so calm now?" Little My demanded. "You were sickening earlier."

"I'm still getting my feelings across." Snufkin smiled and raised his organ to his lips again, and Little My smacked him sharply on the arm.

"Don't you start with that again!" Little my stood with her hands on her hips. "I'm sick of you running to your harmonica and your tent. Just say you don't wanna talk if you don't wanna talk!"

"Fine then, I don't particularly want to talk."

"Tough!" Little My plopped herself down on the next to him. "I'm bored, and I have some questions for you."

"Shoot."

"Why out of the whole valley do you like Moomin? Have a taste for fuzzy crybabies?"

Snufkin smiled impishly. "How much detail do you want? I could talk all day. I like most things about him, and love it all."

Little My wrinkled her nose. "Most things? Sure seemed that you like everything earlier."

"Nobody likes everything about another person. Nobody should." Snufkin chastised. "But all that Moomin is comes together to be the troll I love, so I love it the same." A light shone through Snufkin's eyes as he waved back to Moomin.

Little My watched them wave, then sighed heavily and knocked herself over with the wind. "Is this gonna end up stupid? With Moomin crying and you two never speaking again?" Snufkin looked surprised at the surprisingly thoughtful question from Little My. "Oh, stop that. Everyone is awful when Moomin cries, and you're the only one that brings back actually exciting stories. If you leave and never come back, I wanna go with you."

Snufkin smiled. "I'd sure hope we speak again."

"Even if he says no?"

"No to me?" Snufkin looked out to the field again. "If Moomin doesn't accept my feelings, it will be tough, but things will settle to how they were."

Little My stood with her hands on her hips. "But how could you possibly be happy with that?"

"I was happy before." He pulled his hat up and looked to the sky, his eyes shining differently. He pulled his harmonica to his lips again, sadder in his melody.

"Don't you start that, I'm not--!"

* * *

Moomin and Snufkin laid together on the hill, looking up at the clouds moving lazily across the afternoon sky. The tension of the morning manifested as a few less daisy between them in the grass as they cloud-watched. Their hands lay near the other, nearly touching.

"I don't think I see it." Snufkin said, squinting.

"There's the tail, there's the head-- How can you not?"

Snufkin squinted harder. "I have eyes?"

"Look, it's sleeping on it's side, with it's tail--" At Snufkin's shake of the head, Moomin sighed. "Aren't you meant to be doting on me?"

Snufkin's eyes sparked. "I can dote on you and tell you when you're wrong, dove. It's part of a healthy relationship."

Before Moomin could respond, Little My shouted "Hey!" from the edge of the forest. "Get down here you two, I have a job for us all!"

Snufkin looked to Moomin beseechingly. "Should we get up?"

Moomin thought it over. "She'd never leave us alone. Might as well see what she wants. It could be fun." It would almost certainly be better than confronting the fact that Moomin just brought up the Snufkin Situation so casually! But nothing really bad happened, so it might be okay to do so? Snufkin took it with good humor.

"Alright." Snufkin stood and brushed the grass of off himself. He offered a hand to Moomin. Moomin smiled and took it, before setting off running downhill to surprise Snufkin.

Moomin pulled Snufkin behind him, though not too far behind, and he smiled. Their feet stumbled over uneven ground a couple of times, but carried them swiftly, and their hands were strong in the other. Snufkin was laughing, delighted, allowing himself to be led. Though it was unusual, running through a hill of flowers with someone you knew you cared about and cared about you was something special. Moomin's heartbeat was present, but comfortable in his body.

They slowed to a stop, laughing, at the edge of the forest. Snufkin clutched their hands and didn't let go, keeping them connected as they approached the gang. Moments of hand-to-hand contact happened in the past, but Moomin quite enjoyed the feeling of closeness continuous conscious contact gave him. Little My stood on a stump, holding court with Sniff and Snorkmaiden.

"Hi guys!" Greeted Moomin, in good spirits from the run. Snufkin gave a nod beside him.

There was a chorus of greetings that tapered off suddenly.

Snorkmaiden looked at their connected hands, then to Snufkin's content. "What's going on?"

Little My scoffed. "Snufkin passed out and now he's in love with Moomin. But that's unimportant!"

"Whoa! Is that true?" Asked Sniff, keeping his eyes on their connected hands. "You really like Moomin, Snufkin?"

Moomin blustered, and Snufkin confirmed "With my whole heart."

"Oh." Snorkmaiden said, at a loss for words. "And-And you, Moomin?"

Snufkin smiled, satisfied. "I'm trying not to pressure him." He confided to the group over a newly embarrassed Moomin. "He hasn't rejected my love, which is enough for me. Oh, and I told you Little My, I loved him before you found me."

"Ahh, You know what, I'd believe it." Said Sniff. "Moomin seemed to be the only one Snufkin ever really liked."

"Now now, I liked you just fine." He leaned on Moomin. "Just not that much. And certainly not like this."

Little My stomped her foot. "A-hem!"

Snufkin did not stand upright again. "Oh right, what was it you wanted Little My?"

"Well, I have a very important job for us all. Mr. Hemulen wants us to find a special flower for him, and he said he's gonna throw a party if we find it!" She presented a folded piece of paper from her pocket. Inked in unskillful but certain strokes was a diagram of a white flower, with many messy memos scribbled on the margins. "He gave me this picture, and a bunch of info about where it grows. I say we can split up and find it."

Sniff jumped to attention. "A party? Oh boy! It's been a while since something like that!"

"A bowler blossom..." Snorkmaiden said, reading off the page. "White, scalloped petals, about two inches wide... Oh, it sounds so pretty, doesn't it?"

"Looks a piece of cake to me." Said Little My, rolling up the picture. "Let's split up and find this thing!"

"Can I look with you, Moomin?" Snufkin asked.

"Oh-- Uh, S--"

"Can I look with you too?" Snorkmaiden asked quickly, glomming herself onto Moomin's other arm. "I haven't been with you at all today!"

"That's inefficient!" Little My stomped her foot. "Everyone should be separate so we can cover more ground!"

"You're right." Snorkmaiden said judiciously. "Snufkin should look by himself and me and Moomin can find it together."

Snorkmaiden hugged Moomin's arm closer and gave Snufkin a glare. Snufkin looked at the distressed look on Moomin's face and the jealousy in Snorkmaiden's eyes, then smiled.

"It's important for Moomin to spend time with his friends. He can do what he likes." He announced, before leaning in to Moomin. "I'll see you later, my dove. We may meet up again in the forest." He lifted Moomin's hand and gave it a kiss, eyes gleaming, then let go, dragging his fingers against Moomin's for as long as possible.

Snorkmaiden dragged Moomin behind her, huffing. Snufkin followed Little My and Sniff, setting out into the forest.

* * *

A ways into the forest, Sniff and Snufkin had found their paths crossing, much to Snufkin's chagrin. Snufkin tried to keep his head down and keep an eye out for white resting atop green or brown.

"So, when did you know you liked Moomin?" Sniff asked after a sliver of time, sticking his head back out from a fallen log.

Snufkin didn't look up from his search of an oak's roots. "A while ago."

"How far awhile ago? A year? More? Ooh, was it before Snorkmaiden--"

"Quite a while." Snufkin confirmed. He pointed towards the sound of a river. "I'm going to look over--"

Sniff gasped. "Don't tell me it was love at first sight! How cool!"

"It wasn't."

"But it was close to it, right? Right?" Sniff's tail wagged excitedly, coming closer. "How come you didn't tell him before? Why'd you decide to now? Did he say something?"

Snufkin was tired, a little too warm, and in the company of someone he didn't particularly enjoy. He had resisted sniping at Sniff many times before, but on this particular topic--

"Hey you two!" Little My shouted from above them, saving Sniff from Snufkin's harsh response. "Spread out a little more! How are we going to find this flower with everyone gabbing together!"

Snufkin too the opportunity to make haste towards the river, pulling his hat over his eyes, keeping his ear out for the steps or voice of a Moomintroll. Much to not only his disappointment, they wouldn't see each other until the hunt was over.

"Hey, wait for me!"

* * *

"Snorkmaiden, I don't even know if this is real!" Moomin complained to Snorkmaiden's back. They were searching through the forest, Moomin following the tramped grass in her wake.

"It looked pretty real to me!"

"Snufkin's under a spell right now! I'm just trying to--" He flailed her arms. "Not to rock the boat right now. People like this get confused pretty easily."

Snorkmaiden stopped, crossing her arms. "How do I know he's not trying to steal you away from me?"

"Snorkmaiden, do you..." Moomin sighed, letting himself plunk on the ground, exhausted. "Do you think Snufkin would be acting this way if magic wasn't involved? Holding my hand, calling me pet names?" Moomin's face burned as more of him went cool. "It's nice to get attention from him, and he might get really upset if I reject him before it's lifted."

Snorkmaiden saw his dejection, and sat beside him. "Moomin, I'm sorry. It's just-- Do you think his feelings aren't real?"

"Not these feelings! It's just me, little Moomin!"

Snorkmaiden became angry again. "You stop that! There's a lot to like about you! I like a lot of things about you!"

"It's not so much for Snufkin's devotion." Moomin said sadly. Then became afraid.

"Am I worth less than Snufkin?!" Snorkmaiden stood above him, a threatening aura.

"Well no, it's just-- To me, I think. personally--"

"Moomin, I'm your girlfriend, don't I have good taste?!"

"I don't remember agreeing to that..." Moomin grumbled.  
  
Soon Moomin had a lump on his head and an angry friend huffing away. He followed morosely, keeping his eye on the ground for the rare blossom.

* * *

Little My stood in front of Mr. Hemulen, three fifths of the party sopping wet. She handed him a beautiful bowler blossom and an unreadable parchment.

"Oh my, what happened?"

"The river." Snufkin said, looking a bit miserable.

"I wrote a note that they tend to thrive in dry, elevated areas." Mr. Hemulen took the flower and paper delicately from Little My's hands. "Oh, well, thank you all the same."

"This party better be worth it." Sniff said, trying to shake more water from his fur. Some drops hit Snufkin and his eye twitched.

* * *

Moomin was in his room, late at night. The friends had an eventful day, and Moomin had sat through dinner with his eyes trying to close. He and Snufkin parted after gifting Mr. Hemulen, with Snufkin giving him another gentlemanly kiss on the hand.

Moomin was too tired to think about the situation. So much had happened in the last day, too much for a troll to wrap his mind around. The elation he felt around Snufkin and the guilt he took away-- How could he resolve it?

He certainly couldn't tonight, he reminded himself. A good night's rest after a long walk in the forest might set him to rights, and give him more clarity.

He had made his bed, and stood at the window as he drank a glass of water before bed. The night was quiet, but the sound of the brook and a few night birds sang. Actually, one bird was whistling in a particular pattern. Almost like--

Moomin looked down and Snufkin was below his window.

Snufkin gave the come down whistle, but stopped it short. Moomin held the rope ladder, and Snufkin nodded. He caught it before he it hit the side of the house, and put a flat hand out to Moomin with a twinkle in his eye. He shimmied up the porch, grabbed the bottom rung, and began to climb.

"Hello Moomin." He said in his low voice when he reached the top. "May I sit on your windowsill? Your ladder isn't the most stable place to stand."

"Of course!" Moomin hushed and hurried back. Snufkin swung himself up, and sat himself so his feet dangled into Moomin's room.

"Do you want to come in fully?"

"I shouldn't, I'd be too tempted to stay." He said with a grin. "I have something I forgot to give you."

He undid a knot tied in the middle on his chest. There was a bundle on his back, and he slid the burden over his shoulder into his lap. He shook the wrapped cloth so it fell open. Inside was a glass jar filled up with coffee beans.

"I picked some up for the family when I replenished my own supply." He explained, handing it over carefully.

Moomin took it gently. The beans were strong-looking, dark in color through the low light of the night. "Is this a comment on the coffee we give you now?"

"Oh, you do the best with what you have. I do have one more thing, actually." He took his hat off of his head, and took something from within it. He held it behind his hat so Moomin couldn't see. "Would you like to guess what it is?"

"More coffee?"

"Nope."

"A writing guide for Papa?"

"Guess again."

"A new attitude for Little My?"

"Moomin!" Snufkin looked delighted at Moomin's impropriety.

"Well, is it?"

"Nope." Snufkin smiled wide, a spark in his eyes. He pulled out a bowler blossom.

"Snufkin!" Moomin scampered over so their bodies almost touched. "You found another?"

Snufkin twirled the stem. "They're not so hard to find." He presented it to Moomin, who took it gently. The scalloped petals of the flower glowed in the moonlight.

"That's why we spent all afternoon running around the forest then? There were too many and we just wanted the very best one?"

"They're actually quite common down south." Snufkin challenged. "At least, something quite like them."

"So you traveled so far down south just this evening?"

Snufkin just smiled. "You caught me." He looked out the window, to the half-lit meadow. "I better go. I didn't want to disrupt your sleep too much tonight. Unless..." He shook his head, and his face might have darkened. His eye gleamed moonlight. "No, no unless. I should let you sleep, dove."

He turned heaved his foot out of the window, and as he straddled the sill Moomin put a hand on his shoulder.

"Moomin," he said softly. "I'm trying very hard to be good here."

Moomin kept his hand on Snufkin's little shoulder. He leaned in and nuzzled the side of Snufkin's face, releasing his shoulder quickly. "Go be good in your tent then."

Snufkin had a hand on his cheek, captivated. "Moomin."  
  
"Snufkin?"

He grinned. "I'll do my best."

He swung his other leg over the window, climbing down the rungs of the ladder until his feet hit the ground. The two shared another look, Snufkin's eyes keeping their sparkle, before Snufkin pulled his hat down and walked back to his tent.

Moomin wouldn't solve everything tonight. But he could choose to think of the flower before he went to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter today! (don't get too used to it.) It just HAYD to be. What, was I gonna cut out some of the flower hunt? Cut in the middle of it? There's no good place to cut and nothing that can really be cut out. Das how it be sometimes.
> 
> Also, I originally planned to have chapter illustrations but wasn't satisfied with the tone for a lot of them, and they can make reading on small screens annoying, so I decided against them. BUT I have a [Snufkin from chapter 2 I thought turned out kinda pretty,](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184575654139/i-was-going-to-do-chapter-illustrations-for-my-fic) if you're interested. 
> 
> Thanks again everyone for commenting and kudosing! So many of you are picking up what I'm putting down with the storyyy! Someone almost ezactly quoted a line in the story lol! Makes me excited for the next chapterzzz...... (Why am I typing like it's 2009 again?)
> 
> I love reading what you all have to say, and knowing people are reading makes me happy and determined as well! Please leave something if you can!╭(♡･ㅂ･)و ̑̑ 
> 
> Notes from next chapter: i saw you haning out with snufkin last night  
> little my, its not  
> i wont hesitate b!tch  
> /party good, snork just. v straight
> 
>  
> 
> {I'm too tired to type my own thoughts coherently. Does it break the illusion of a sophisticate authore?}
> 
> {Back to writing! ヾ( `ー´)シφ__}


	4. Party and the Mountain

  
It was eventually decided that Mr. Hemulen's party would be an affair for the community, not just for those who found the flower. The weather would bring storms soon, and time outside would be missed.

Moomin was helping Moominmama pack jars of colorful jams and jellies into one of the many picnic baskets that were to be brought to a low shelf of the lonely mountain, wrapping them in scrap cloth so they wouldn't break for any jostling. Moominpapa was sent with some of the more handy Moomin valley residents to assemble tables and chairs, and a few of the more artistic were seeing that the sight was palatable.

Every person had a job to do, and while some (like Little My) had instructions no deeper than "do not destroy what has been done," the jobs were nevertheless being completed. Moominmama was providing some dishes for the spread, and she decided that working on a larger supply of sweet options than was requested would not be amiss. Moominmama and Moomin had been working like a machine, organizing and wrapping up several baskets of glass jars.

Moominmama ladled sweet, bright, purple-red jam into a jar. "Moomin, will you count how many jars of strawberry we have? I'm afraid I've lost count. We need at least six."

"Sure Mama."

Moomin tied the rag he was working on. He went to peek into one of the baskets on the table, the one with strawberry jam was marked by an red checked terrycloth tied around the handle. However, it appeared he had the wrong basket.

"Honey?"

A warm weight slid around his shoulders. "Yes, Moomin?"

"Hello Snufkin." Moomin said, dragging another basket towards himself. He opened it and pretended to count jars. "How are Papa and the others doing? Did we have enough nails?"

"Mm-hm." Snufkin said, nodding so his nose pressed against Moomin's head. His nose! It was almost nuzzling! How does any troll _think_ under these conditions? He considered asking his father how he dealt with his feelings around Moominmama, then silently resolved to never, ever mention this line of thought to his father.

"Do we have enough jars, Moomin?" Moominmama asked, not looking back.

"It looks as though you do." Snufkin answered, taking his face out of its burrow in Moomin's neck. "At least six, right?"

"Oh, lovely to see you Snufkin." Moominmama turned and held out the basket she just completed. "Would you put this on the table for me?"

"Of course ma'am."

Snufkin grabbed the basket, and the look on Moominmama's face was a bit too amused for Moomin's liking. Perhaps Moomin would have to be more forward, then she would laugh as Snufkin instead!

Or not. Sitting on the thought too long would send him into a tizzy so large Moominmama's laughter would have leapt to the surface. Moomin's mind bounced up the stairs to the flower resting on his nightstand. He surrendered the coffee beans this morning, claiming he forgot to pass it on from earlier in the day, but kept a couple for a more lasting souvenir of the visit.

"How many more jars do we have to pack, Mama?" Moomin asked.

"Oh, that should be the last." She looked at their bounty, wicker baskets taking up all the table and one of the chairs. "Would you boys help me bring them up the mountain? I think between the three of us we can do it in one trip."

"Of course, Moominmama." Snufkin bumped his hip against Moomin's as he grabbed a couple of baskets. "Is there more, or is it all in these baskets?"

"All packed away, I'm happy to say." Moominmama took a few herself, settling them in the crook of her arms. "You just tell me if those get too heavy for you dear."

"I will." Snufkin said. He turned back to Moomin, arms full, and pecked the nose of Moomin's face. "Nice to see you dove."

Moominmama blinked. "Oh, Snufkin, I almost forgot. Moomin gave me the coffee this morning, thank you for thinking of us."

"Ah, I'm glad you got it." Snufkin turned back to Moominmama, and the two set out the door.

"Yes, it's good stuff, although a bit strong."

"Ah, but it's easy to make coffee less strong, harder to make it stronger..."

Moomin took up the rest of the baskets, hurrying after them.

The door opened on a sunny day, Moominmama and Snufkin chatting in front of him. Snufkin noticed he was back and smiled, but his attention was caught by something Moominmama said.

Moomin followed a few steps behind them, observing. Snufkin and Moominmama chatted amicably, Snufkin's part was... Somewhat subdued.

No, he wasn't more subdued. He was more his usual self. There wasn't the flicker in his eyes that came about when he talked to Moomin since the spell. A normalcy had settled in, and Moomin had only grown more confused at its presence. The baskets weighed heavily on Moomin's arms as Moominmama laughed at something Snufkin said.

"Hey Moomin." Little My interrupted his focus, appearing alongside him.

"Oh, Little My." Moomin said, playing it cool. "What do you want?"

"Don't be so jumpy." She walked on her tiptoes, trying to look into his cargo. "Do you have any sweets in that basket?"

Moomin pulled his arms up. "Do you want to eat a full jar of jelly?"

"Eh, nothing to put it on." She dropped back down. "What did Snufkin want last night?" She asked instead.

Moomin started. "What do you--"

"Your whole whistle code isn't very subtle you know. And he whistles so loudly, it wakes me up! Where did you guys _go_?" She ran to his other side. "Was it fun? Why do you never take me!"

"We went no-where actually." Moomin said testily. "He just gave me the coffee beans I gave to Mama."

Little My screwed up her face and shook her head. " _Eugh_. I hate that stuff, not even a full cup of milk could make it less bitter." She remarked. "Where'd the bowler flower on your nightstand come from then?"

"Little My!" Moomin almost tripped, rather uncooly. "I told you not to go into my room!"

"It is one!" Little My glared at Snufkin's back. "Did see one and just let me fall in the river for no reason? That sounds like him."

"It does not and you know it." Moomin thought back to the bedraggled look Snufkin had at the end of the hunt. "I promise he didn't find one before you. Snufkin just-- " Moomin stood straight. "He said they're actually pretty common further south. It's not a big deal at all."

"How far down south? If it was so close it wasn't a big deal, we could've gone there instead of running around the forest for hours! Did he just want to hang out with Sniff that badly?"

Moomin's tail twitched. "Maybe he just thought of it later."

"Why did he give it to you in the middle of the night?" She pestered.

"Little My, why don't you go bother someone else?"

Little My considered. "Carry me to the party and I won't say another word."

Moomin grumbled but stopped and leaned down. Little My clamored up his shoulders, settling so her chin could rest on the top of Moomin's head. Moomin stood up straight again, setting off towards the backs of Moominmama, Snufkin, and the mountain.

* * *

The party was lovely. The food and conversation was plentiful, with plates prepared by expert hands. The party was set up next to a grassy area where some had laid picnic blankets-- But the tables and chairs built up for the purpose were holding steady, even with the extra food in everyone's bellies. The breezes of the low mountain swayed ribbons and flags set up for flair, and carried the voices of the partygoers well.

"--And that's when they said I should try redwood!" Snork laughed heartily, almost spilling the drink in his hand. "Can you believe!"

"I'm not an expert like you, but I can still see how that would be less than ideal. The fire alone-- Poof!" Moominpapa said, failing his hand. "Did he end up taking anything home?"

Snork leaned back from the table. "He said he'd come back, but I'm not too sure. Ah well, lofty ideas can be overwhelming for some." He stuck a forkful of scalloped potato into his mouth, and took in the scenes.

The Fillyjonks all sat together, with Sniff and Little My adding excitement to the children and exasperation to their mother, cream and jam spread on tablecloth and face. Mr. Hemulen sat with the park keeper, pointing and scribbling in his notebook in a passionate interrogation. The Mymble's daughter sat with Thingamy and Bob, who sat with a plate between them on one of the picnic blankets spread around. Even Muskrat looked less heavily distressed than usual.

Moomin and Snorkmaiden were sitting on one of the blankets together, a plate on each of their laps, a third between them. Moomin gestured wildly at a story he was telling, plate almost rocking off of his lap, and Snorkmaiden laughed delicately into her hand. Moomin pointed to something on the plate and she looked appropriately impressed.

"It's so nice to see those too getting along." Snork leaned his head on his hand, nostalgic from the easy atmosphere and gentle breeze ruffling his fringe. "Think we'll have some little Snork-Moominlings running around someday?" He joked to Moominpapa.

Moominpapa laughed more heartily than Snork expected. "I might have at some point. Not anymore!" He stopped when he noticed the confused look on Snork's face. "Oh, you haven't heard?"

"Heard what?"

Moominpapa sat back slyly. "Oh, just keep an eye on my boy. The third plate up there doesn't belong to either of them."

Snork did, and almost as soon as Moominpapa spoke Snufkin came up from behind Moomin, a full glass sweating in each hand. He set one glass atop Moomin's head, causing him to jump and look up-- Where Snufkin took the opportunity to place a kiss on his snout! Moomin laughed, flustered, and Snufkin sat down beside him. He handed one of the drinks to Moomin, set the other down with care, and took a cookie out of his pocket for Snorkmaiden.

"Snufkin likes Snorkmaiden?!" Snork exclaimed. "I never saw that coming!"

Moominmama came up to the table, returning with a new plate after quelling the fire of a minor happening-- A shortage of her strawberry jam. "What is it you didn't see?"

"Oh hello dear, come sit right here."

Moominmama put her plate on the table next to Moominpapa. "Thank you so much for helping with the tables Snork, they're holding up so nicely. Maybe we should leave them up here for future parties."

"A capitol idea, sweetie!" Moominpapa doted.

"Oh, well, the tables were nothing, I had some nice redwood left-- Hold on," Snork pinned down the thought again, "Back to the more important matter. Is Snufkin going after my sister? Where does he get off! Why, I ought to--"

"Not Snorkmaiden, Snork." Moominpapa said, flipping his hand. "One over."

Snork looked back over where Snufkin had shimmied closer into Moomin's side, causing quite the abashed-looking Moomintroll. He kissed Moomin's hand, making Moomin woollier with sheepishness. Snorkmaiden looked wistful but resigned, at least masking good humor.

Ah.

"When did this start?" Snork asked.

"Ah, Snufkin's had a spell put on him, I'm afraid." Moominmama said, scraping some red jam on a triangular slice of toast.

"The kids found him in the forest, fast asleep. Scared the fur off of us! Moomin woke him up. Don't know how..." Moominpapa mused. "But when he woke up properly, he professed his love, and since then he's been doting something awful on my boy."

Moominpapa chortled. "Not that I'm complaining, mind. If nothing else, it's quite entertaining!" He confided in a lower voice.

"He says it's his own feelings, and Moomin seems happy, so we're not too worried about it." Moominmama took a bit of her toast and chewed contentedly.

"He's been a regular Casanova!" Moominpapa said with an air of pride. "Reminds me of me of meeting my own lovely paramour."

"Oh Papa, don't you start--" Moominmama insisted.

"Meeting her was a delight." Moominpapa continued. "My youth was like the scent of fresh lemons, you see--"

"So he was cursed?" Snork tracked. "He woke up and was suddenly all over Moomin?"

"I suppose, in short." Moominpapa said, cutting his recollection short.

"Ahhh." Snork intoned sagely. "It's just a silly spell making him feel infatuated. I'm certain he'll get over it soon."

"Hm. I'm not sure about that." Moominmama said carefully.

Snork snorted and marked the point with his fork. "Mark my words, Snufkin won't give a _shake_ about Moomin when it blows over."

"Hold on!" Snufkin demanded from behind Snork. "Just what do you mean by that?"

Snork jumped and turned around to the owner of very heated voice. "Oh, hello Snufkin." He said, correcting his glasses. "What do you need?"

"To set the record straight! I care for Moomin a great deal." Snufkin protested. "I have for as long as I've known him. Where do you get off saying that's untrue?"

"Well, if your feelings come from a curse--"

"My feelings for Moomin are not a curse!" Snufkin was incensed, insistent.

Snork huffed. "If it wasn't a curse, it would just be puppy love Snufkin. You're both young, and young love doesn't tend to last. Take it from me, I--"

"I love Moomin with all my heart!" Snufkin proclaimed, a fire in his eyes. "I have for years now. Nothing could change that, not magic, not nature and certainly not you!"

Moomin's head sprang up and towards the shouting, flustered and distressed. "Snufkin!"

"And I thought I would be an artist for a while." Snork pressed patiently. "I'm sorry, but the chances of you two having a meaningful relationship is slim, and staying together is--"

"Snork!" Scolded Moominmama. "That is not something for you to decide."

"All I'm saying is--"

Snufkin belted an empty jar on the table. "Mrs. Fillyjonk wanted to return this to you, Moominmama. I offered to get it back. That's what I wanted."

He spoke with a venom rarely heard from the tramp.

"Snufkin dear--" Moominmama started.

"My feelings are my own." He said to Snork, then turned on his heel and stormed away, not looking back to the party. After a beat, Moomin chased after him.

The the table was silenced by Snufkin for a period. Snork shrugged.

"Youth. Makes people emotional sometimes." He shoved another forkful of potato in his mouth.

"Snork, for such a smart man, you can be very, very stupid." Chided Moominmama, watching her son's agitated tail.

* * *

 

Moomin found Snufkin standing alone around the bend of a boulder further up the mountain. It wasn't the first time Moomin followed him to a place where the sounds of genial conversation barely touched them, but the impetus was usually less stressful. Snufkin had his face turned toward the wind, and Moomin could see his hair ruffling under his the rippling brim of his hat.

Moomin drifted up gingerly beside Snufkin, keeping his hands behind his back. His friend had his eyes closed, and Moomin knew his presence was likely noticed, but he cleared his throat. "Hey Snufkin." He said, looking out to the forest horizon. He would let Snufkin talk if he wanted, and keep the silence if he did not.

Snufkin breathed out heavily, eyes still closed. "Hello dove."

"Are you alright?" Moomin asked.

"I'm better now that you're here." Snufkin sought out Moomin's hand without looking, and Moomin unclasped his so Snufkin could find one. As their fingers touched, Snufkin's eyes slowly opened on the view. "It's just-- As much as I love you, dove, crowds have never been my forte. And after Snork said--" He let another breath, this time angrily through his nose. "I don't like anyone making light of my feelings, least of all my feelings for you."

"What did Snork say?"

"That my feelings for you were a curse." Snufkin spat.

Moomin shifted his palm against Snufkin's, uncomfortable with how close Snork's words were to one of the tangled balls of feeling in his chest. He looked to the ground. Moomin thought to his friend's reflexive rejection of prescribed rules, how angry he became at the idea that experiences could be off-limits. To prohibit those feelings in one's own heart... "That would be hard for anybody to hear.

"I don't know why exactly you would feel so strongly about me," Moomin continued, "but I know your feelings run deep, Snufkin. You don't give any part of your heart away easily. And I also know no-one can take them from you, no matter how hard they may try, or whatever nasty words they say.

"You know what you feel, and that is enough." He said, finally.

Moomin saw Snufkin look at him through the edge of his eye, and looked at him in turn. His eyes searched into Moomin. "Oh Moomin." Snufkin turned his face in, almost resting it against Moomin's snout. "Oh Moomin, dove. You know me well, but it seems you don't know yourself. I have innumerable reasons to love you."

Moomin just stayed quiet, letting Snufkin piece himself together in the quiet of the mountain and the edge of the party. The wind moved through his fur more quickly, forcing closed eyes against it.

"Still love to feel the wind, eh?"

Snufkin gave a short laugh. He stood back and opened his mouth to speak, but a strong gust came and blew his hat away.

Moomin and Snufkin both turned to watch it.

Then, Moomin and Snufkin chased it. It danced out of their hands a couple of times, soaring over their fingertips before flying into a cave further down the mountain. Moomin and Snufkin were on either side, Snufkin managing to jump and catch it. He stumbled forward, heading to a crash before Moomin dove and managed to catch him around the waist.

"Why thank you Moomin." Snufkin said, smiling. He caught a star in his eye. "There you go, catching me again." He gave a little kiss on Moomin's snout.

Moomin laughed and let Snufkin turn around. He admired Snufkin's unadorned head a moment, then took the hat from Snufkin's hands, carefully reinstating its proper place.

"Good as new."

Snufkin and Moomin smiled at each other, enjoying the fact of each other's company and the break in tension from the earlier upset. Snufkin tipped his hat down, still looking at Moomin admiringly, and Moomin demurred at the attention, looking down and scuffing his foot on the ground.

Then, it began to rain. Very, _very_ hard.

The pair looked at the cave entrance, where there was no transition from cloudy skies to severe rain. It was near visually impenetrable, and near deafening even without the thunder that shortly shook the sky. They looked to each other again.

"It's a good thing your hat blew into here." Said Moomin, shouting a bit to be heard over the sheets of rain. "It was a terrible fright, but it also kept us from being caught in all that."

"Indeed." Snufkin pulled his hat more snugly on his head. "Good thing they planned the party for earlier in the day, eh?"

Moomin smiled. Just that moment, a flash of lighting blew close and thunder sounded loud.

"Jeezum!" Moomin jumped. He looked out worriedly to the slick rock of the mountain trail. "Should we stay here and wait out the rain?"

"That's the question isn't it... The others should be packing up what they can, we likely won't be missed in the confusion. On the..." Snufkin trailed off and cleared his throat, ears pink. "Oh my."

"What's wrong Snufkin?" Moomin asked.

"Nothing at all." Snufkin said quickly. "Just-- we might be here awhile. Alone." He looked to Moomin.

Moomin offered his hand. "If you're worried, we're not far from the party, and neither of us particularly mind the rain. We could make a run for it, if we're careful not to slip."

Snufkin blinked, then smiled slowly and squeezed Moomin's hand, sun in his eyes. "On three then?"

Moomin nodded. "One..."

"Two..."

_CRASH_

A huge crash and crack and thud came from above-- But it was not the sound of thunder. It was heavy rock, banging against the sheer face above the mouth of the cave. Loose dirt fell in front of Moomin and Snufkin's eyes, and they scrambled backwards as a rock the size of Little My followed.

Stone after stone crashed down, cutting off the exit to the cave, leaving very little light around them. Snufkin and Moomin looked to each other, briefly illuminated by a flash of lighting peeking through the rock, as they realized they were stuck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Don't get used to long chapters" I said, with every ensuing chapter being at, around, or more than 3000 words. Le sigh. 
> 
> Oh my god you guys, I have been on a trial of Adderal and it is wigging me a little bit. And it's making me really tired. Amazingly, psychoactive drugs affect you psychoactively! (Don't worry, I'm working closely with my psychiatrist and have done a LOT of medicine trials before. I'll be just fine. And more importantly THE FIC WILL BE OUT!)
> 
> I only put in that honey bit because of [this jorratedlegs post](https://jorratedlegs.tumblr.com/post/184516383386/fellas-is-it-gay-to-call-your-homie-honey-by). Honestly I don't super like a lot of those cute real things that happened that get put into fics a lot... I feel like quoting the stuff verbatim, I mean, you could do so much more and work in the character dynamics! I've seen this before, have the drugged guy say _anything_ else! And that's what Dr. Legs did with that post and also I'm love them and their art and creativity. Please notice me senpai. 
> 
> (Also I was looking at [this picture set](https://avril-circus.tumblr.com/post/171720802762/some-illustrations-of-the-young-gardener-paris) from avril-circus and was like, on the verge of tears. god she's talented.)
> 
> I'm sayin this, like every Moomin artist I've seen isn't good. Blown away. And yes, there may be another reference or two up in ther, including a quote that has followed me since like third goddamn grade. Points if you get it.
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos have been a boon. I always love to hear from you-- Thank you all.
> 
> Notes from next chapter (Actually a snippet I cut but still like):
> 
> "Do you want me to hold the torch, Snufkin?" Moomin offered, eyeing his hat warily. "You're wet, but you're all cotton."
> 
> "Oh, should I let the man covered in fur hold the fire?"
> 
> "My fur is fire retardant, thank you very much." Moomin said indignantly. 
> 
> "I'd rather not take chances with you." Snufkin said, eyes glinting. "You're far more precious than my sleeve." 
> 
> He held out the hand coming from it, and Moomin took it.
> 
>  
> 
> Seeya Next Fwriday!


	5. Light in the Cave

"One, two, three!"  
  
Moomin and Snufkin threw their weight against the rocks once more, giving them, again, nothing but a few pebbles knocked loose.

"Ow!" Hissed Moomin, rubbing his shoulder. He had hit rather hard on that last push, and the accumulation of his efforts got him nothing but a soreness he'd likely feel for days.

"Are you okay, Moomin?" Snufkin asked, putting a hand dainty over Moomin's shoulder. "You haven't broken anything, have you?"

"Nothing but my hope." Moomin rolled his back. The two had tried pushing strategic rocks, kicking the bottom of the pile, then slamming into it all with some desperation. Snufkin carried a surprising wiry strength, but even with his strength added to that of a troll's it was unable to budge the blockade. "I'm not sure we can get out this way we came in."

"Neither am I." Sighed Snufkin. He rubbed his own shoulder, likely where a bruise was blooming in magnificent purples and reds, taking in a beat of the ambiance of the rainstorm echoing in the dark. "You know, as much as I enjoy time alone with you dove, I would prefer it happen under less dire circumstances."

Moomin grinned. "At least we can count that Little My won't call us away." He was about to stopped by a sudden thought. "Wait-- Do you suppose anyone would think to look for us here?" He asked.

"No." Snufkin confirmed, growing concerned. "No, I don't think anyone else saw where I ran off. Which means we likely can't wait for someone to look for us here and help us get out."

"If only it were that easy..." Moomin mourned.

Snufkin breathed, considering. "Alright. There must be a way out of here. We've been around this part of the mountain before. When Snorkmaiden wanted to find diamonds we went into a lot of caves, right?" He put his fist in his hand. "Yes, we might have left something behind."

"That's true," said Moomin. "In fact--" He looked in the scant light, making his way over to the wall, He followed along it, feeling the wall. His toe hit rock (thankfully not hard) and Moomin bent to feel what stopped his track. He felt the pile, then recognition dawning. "This is one of the tunnels we looked through! Look, this pyramid of rocks!" He called to Snufkin. "We used these to signify that we had looked here!"

"We went through some that were tunnels, right?" Snufkin added. "There's a chance this is one of them."

"That's right, this could be a tunnel!" Moomin's ears and tail were perked. "The cave seems to go deep enough for that to be the case."

"Brilliant!" Snufkin came to him, grabbing his hands excitedly. "Shall we head through then?"

"It is our best option, but.." Moomin looked down the dim corridor, wary. "I'd be worried about us walking through, it's so dark..."

"Lucky you're friends with an outdoors-man." Snufkin pulled a box of matches from his pocket, shaking the little sticks inside. "I don't want to light our way with just matches. They'll run out quickly, and there won't be much light besides. If we find something to use as a torch we'll have much more to see by. Since we're so close to the entrance, if we feel around, there likely should be some branches that have flown in to use."

They busied themselves, and so found a bundle of decently sized (and decently dry) sticks. They frayed the ends with Snufkin's knife so they would burn less quickly. Not an ideal source of light, but they would burn well and slow enough. If they found themselves remembering their steps, if this truly was a tunnel they'd traversed before, they could go on without if needs be-- And of they had to travel back to the start, a litter of branches could mark their way.

"Should we leave something behind in case they do look for us here?" Moomin suggested.

Snufkin thought, and pulled out his knife again. He felt the cave walls, finding a thick patch of moss. He took the knife and carved out an S, a +, and an M.

Then, to the relief of Moomin's heart, an arrow pointing to the cave.

Than, to the distress of Moomin's heart, he lit the edge of a frayed branch was was awash in warm firelight.

"Are you ready to go, Moomin?"

They set out into the earth, hoping to find fresh air on the other side.

* * *

"GAH!" Moomin jumped, backing up against Snufkin. A screech came from something above them, leaving a whoosh of air in its wake, flying too quickly to see. "That scared the-- That scared me."

Snufkin had his hand over his heart. "You jumping was a far greater scare for me. It was just a fright?"

"Just a fright." Moomin settled, looking warily to the ceiling. There seemed to be nothing else but water dripping from small stalactites.

Snufkin offered the hand that was over his heart, and Moomin allowed it to be tightly wrapped around the his. They walked together in silence for a while, tripping and almost tripping, half an eye out for any diamonds they might have missed on their first go around. But in the silence, in Snufkin's hand, Moomin couldn't help but feel everything he had tried to put out of his mind.

"Snufkin." Moomin said. "Snufkin, why haven't you asked me how I feel for you?"

Snufkin looked surprised. "Ah." He took a few steps to answer. "Well, I didn't want to pressure you. It's a heavy thing, knowing you hold someone's heart. I'm happy just having my feelings known." He looked to Moomin, eyes flickering with the torch. "I'm happy I'm able to make my feelings known, and that you seem to tolerate them so well."

"Ah."

They continued to walk in silence, palms growing sweat. Snufkin cleared his throat.

"Well, how do you feel?" He chanced.

Moomin adjusted his grip on Snufkin's. He watched the fire flutter around the rocks he stepped over on the cave floor, how they appeared and were swallowed into the darkness with every step the fire went forward.

"I don't know." Moomin said simply, speaking the careful stock of his feelings. "I don't know how to feel."

"You don't have to feel any way Moomin." Snufkin quickly said, stopping in front of Moomin, trying to press his words with a squeeze of his hand. "I'm not asking you to return or reject me, and if anyone has told you--"

"I know that."

"I would never ask that anyone, least of--

"I know, Snufkin," Moomin balled his free hand up into the fur of his chest, unable to look into his friend's eyes. "Well, you." Moomin looked down, his tail dragging in the dirt. "You care for me. As a friend, of course, that's--"

"Moomin," Snufkin said, trying for soothing, "Moomin I love you as that and more."

"Well--" Moomin hesitated, "Well, you say--"

"Moomin," Snufkin said, concern creeping into his voice. "Do you not believe me?"

Moomin then looked into his friend's face, his creased brow thrown into relief by the fire. "I'm not sure." Moomin answered, tears heating the back of his eyes.

"Moomin, dove--"

"I can't believe you, in part because I don't trust myself." He choked out.

"Dove--"

"I don't know if I'm seeing what I want to believe!" Moomin said swiftly before the interruptions lead the conversation to an unsatisfying conclusion. 

Snufkin stopped short. "What you-- What--"

"What you... _want_?"

Moomin glanced up at the astonished tone in Snufkin's voice. He was flushed, with an open expression on his face. "Wow. That." He smiled wide. "What you want?" Moomin was too caught off guard to answer as Snufkin leaned in, smile bubbly. "I really, truly love you Moomin." He whispered, and went in for a kiss on Moomin's snout.

"Stop with that!" Moomin protested, pushing past Snufkin. "I didn't say much of anything!"

"It was a lot to me." Snufkin said, still in good humor. "And it sure sounded like--"

"We can discuss it further when we get out of here!" Moomin cried.

Snufkin laughed, making shadows dance in front of the cave walls before Moomin. He jogged to catch up with Moomin, shaking out the current torch. He cast the much shorter stick to the ground, and grabbed a new one to light. He handed it to Moomin to hold, and took the matchbox out of his pocket.

"I do love you, Moomin." He said, spark on his eyes, then looked down to strike a match.

Moomin felt his blood run cold.

"Snufkin, look at me." Moomin said.

"Moomin?" Snufkin asked, match unlit. "What's wrong?"

Moomin grabbed the sides of Snufkin's face and looked into his eyes. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you." he said, a spark in his eye.

"Again."

"I love you?" _There_ , there it was again.

Unmistakable in the darkness of the cave, there was an unnatural light in Snufkin's eyes when he said these things about Moomin, like reflecting a firefly that could be seen by no one else.

Moomin let go of Snufkin's face as his chest fell out. Of course, all of this was the spell. The sweet words, Snufkin's hand in his-- Laying with Snufkin in the bright sunshine, through the dappled light beneath the forest trees, there would have been innumerable ways to explain a wayward gleam. There was no light for it to reflect from here, and no place for Snufkin's own heart to speak.

"Oh Snufkin." Moomin began to tear in earnest. "Oh Snufkin, you don't love me after all."

"Moomin, what are you talking about?" Snufkin panicked, grabbing Moomin's wrist. "Moomin, I care for you very deeply." Snufkin's eyes lit.

Moomin's tears moved from the bubble around his eyes, spilling out onto his fur of his cheeks. He shook his head fiercely. "Snufkin, whenever you tell me these things lights come in your eyes."

"Of course--"

"Not in poetry, a flash! A flash like someone has turned on a light before your eyes!" Moomin shook Snufkin's hand off, feeling foolish. "I should've seen it from the start. Here I worried I was taking advantage of you, and instead--" Moomin choked back a sob, wiping his eyes angrily at himself. "I knew it, I knew it. I _hate_ that awful woman. She is so, so cruel, to you and to me."

Snufkin looked pale, lost. "Moomin, all I've done is love you in silence for years!" Wetness began pricking his eyes as well. "I told myself that I could never tell you these things, but when she came to me--" He made an aborted attempt to reach out to Moomin, holding himself back when he saw Moomin flinch.

"I'm very lonely without you Moomin." Snufkin said softly. "I worried that telling you-- burdening you with these feelings would drive a wedge between us." He began speaking more fervidly. "I couldn't return to the valley knowing you didn't want to see me, and I can't pull up the roots that anchor me here. I've even tried before but _you_ \--" His voice broke. "I love you too much Moomin." His eyes were shining with tears and unnatural light.

Moomin looked at him, his stricken face, and felt the same expression on his own. He sucked up his tears as best he could.

"Snufkin." Moomin said, wet and final. "If this spell is broken, and you still feel this way, tell me. I can't allow myself to hope for you like this."

Tears started falling from Snufkin's eyes. Moomin's heart twisted. He took in a rocky breath to say something, but noticed something curious-- When Snufkin's tear trailed his cheek, light was carried within it. The process repeated with the other eye, and when Snufkin blinked lights danced off of his lashes.

"Snufkin," Moomin said, "Snufkin, your--" He swiped a finger across Snufkin's cheek, bringing it so Snufkin could see the light inside of it. It quickly broke from its bead in Moomin's fur, where the light flew away. Snufkin followed it, alarm present in his eyes.

"Snufkin, is this--"

"What--" A bit of vapor left Snufkin's mouth, like a fire was in his belly and his throat was a chimney.

"Snufkin," Moomin repeated, "is this--"

Something unfolded quickly on Snufkin's face through the despair. "Moomin," Snufkin said, a more white smoke snaking from his mouth. More tears fell, and more brightness broke from them.

"The spell!" Moomin exclaimed. "I think it's-- It's breaking! It must be!"

Snufkin grabbed Moomin by the shoulders, wet eyes determined. "Moomin. Moomin, I l--"  
  
Snufkin began to cough, and cough, and from his mouth came intense bursts of white smoke, like he had his old pipe trying to come up from his neck. He tried to speak again, but the smoke wouldn't let him. His eyes quickly watered even more, releasing more embers.

It was soon hard to see Snufkin's face through the smoke, made more opaque by the light now filling the cavern. The unnatural embers flew up, spiraling, illuminated the cavern as bright as day. The smoke moved in the opposite direction, dancing a duet. Neither the smoke nor the dazzle lingered for long after their release, seeming to sneak through cracks in the rock.

Snufkin bent in half, hacking, and Moomin but a fretful hand to his back. "Snufkin?" He asked, putting another hand to his cheek, "Snufkin, are you alright? Can I do something?"

Snufkin continued to cough, and continued to emit up sparks. After what felt like an eternity, Snufkin breathed in a clean breath. He looked to Moomin, blinking, eyes tearing but free of unnatural lights.

Then collapsed.

"Oh goodness!" Moomin fell, ignoring the pebbles sticking to his knees. "Not again!"

He turned Snufkin as gently as he could, so he was facing up. Moomin tried to remember what they had done when they first found Snufkin. Snufkin's face was pinched, not the dissonant serenity of the first spelled sleep, but it was a slumber all the same. He put a hand to Snufkin's chest-- his heart beat steady, and his chest went up and down usually. Moomin let out his own breath. It seemed Snufkin had no major injuries, at least no observable swelling or bleeding.

The spelled light was almost completely gone. Moomin took the box of matches from Snufkin's pocket, and felt around for one of the makeshift torches. He struck, lighting the torch, and placing it gently against the wall. The firelight was dimmer, but being able to see Snufkin safe was just as magic.

Moomin took Snufkin's limp arms and looped them around his neck, bumping his body so his legs fell into the crook of his elbows. He carefully took the torch from its resting place, and continued the trek into the mountain.

* * *

"Ow!"

Moomin flinched, almost dropping the torch. It had almost burned down, dangerously close to singing his fur.

"Please," he said, trying to shimmy his hand lower on the torch, "please hold out just a bit longer..."

As he pleaded, a drip of water landed on the flame, extinguishing it. Moomin cursed loudly, remembered his company, then remembered that Snufkin was not awake to be offended. He threw the now useless stick to the ground.

But wait.

He could see the stick.

Moomin looked ahead. Light, weak as it was, was coming from ahead! He made certain Snufkin's weight pressed securely into his back, then picked up his pace with newfound vigor. Soon, the channel widened and widened until it became a cavern, with an opening to the valley raised above the floor with a sharp slope leading to it. Moomin could see sun, weak rays streaking down onto his face. The sunset, it must mean they had arrived on the West of the mountain. They must have been in this tunnel for a few hours. It felt too long and too short a time.

But the entrance was again blocked with rocks.

Moomin looked at it, not allowing himself to despair. Not yet. The incline was steep and muddy, which meant sliding, but also a place to carve out footholds. The rocks were strong, but resting on themselves on an angle, just waiting to cave in. Moomin could do this.

Moomin could do this.

He looked around the ground, finding a small patch of weeds growing through the cracks. He bent backwards, somewhat awkwardly, holding tight to Snufkin's wrists. He began lying Snufkin down as gently as he could, doing a sort of inelegant shuffle when everything but the hands he held were on the ground so he wasn't trembling over Snufkin in an attempt to not fall on top of him. He managed, somehow.

"Sorry Snufkin." He said softly, pressing Snufkin's hands to his chest. "I don't have a more comfortable place for you right now. Soon though. Soon."

He turned to the opening determinedly. He put a foot on the slope experimentally, testing the character of the mud. This foot slid easily when he put pressure on it, leaving a slime on his foot. He took the dirty foot and dug his toe into the muck, feeling it slide through with some effort. Moomin went back to fetch the makeshift torches, taking one in each hand.

He took a stick and dug a trench into the mud. He scraped and scraped, then stuck his hand into the hole he had made. It was deep enough to get his fingers inside, and wide enough he could stick his foot when he scaled the wall.

He continued in that way, carving out hand and footholds. Once he felt he had gone as high as he could, he wrapped his tail around his tools and stuck his foot inside the lowermost carving.

He could do this. The hill was not sheer, and he had a plan. He stepped up, up, up, taking care, carving out new nooks as he went. He steadied on, and up, and up, until halfway up the slope, where he lost his balance and slid down to the bottom, the fall spiting his scrambling hands and leaving the wind knocked from his lungs when he hit the floor.

Moomin caught his breath, muddy with muscles strained. He sat up laboriously, looking at the slope, where he could travel the lines his paws made where he fell. The sticks were broken, splintered and sticking out of the mud. Moomin could do nothing but stare.

He swallowed his tears. He could do this.

He could do this, he told himself. He could feel hopeless later, he could feel the weight of his responsibility later, he could curse the mud and the earth and the mountain later. Now, he can act. He can pick up rocks from the ground, find a new branch, dig with his hands if need be.

He stood, heading back to the slope. He looked up to the sky peeking through the rocks, the light dimmer than it was before, a shadow coming upon it. He could not hear the rain, or the birds, only-- Only--

A voice?

"Moomin! Snufkin!" A voice called from above. " _Moo_ min! _Snuf_ kin!"

"Who is it?!" Moomin cried, "Who's there?!"

"Is that you in there?" The voice called louder, blocking more sun. "Moomin, is that you?"

"Snork?!" Moomin gawked. "Snork, is that you?"

"Is that you, Moomin?"

"It is!" He cried, cupping his dirty hands around his face to amplify his voice. "I can't get out! Can you help me get rid of these rocks?!"

"That's what I'm here for!" Moomin heard the muffled sounds of other people. "Thank god you guys made that fire! We never would've found you without following all that smoke! Give me a jig, we'll get you out of there!"

Moomin was not letting himself feel. But if he _was_ , he would feel very conflicted that what led to Snufkin's unconsciousness led to his rescue, which was only necessary because of his rescuer's rudeness regarding the situation, which only happened because of the spell which caused Snufkin to suffer and then collapse into the unconsciousness. Moomin was considering that he should have banned thinking as well.

Snork interrupted Moomin's conflict by shouting "There's going to be a small explosion. It should only be strong enough to dislodge the rocks, but I still wouldn't stand to close if I were you. Understand?"

"Understand!" Moomin answered.

"Ready when you are!"

"Wait a moment!" Moomin ran to where Snufkin lay and picked him up gently in his arms, around his shoulders and in the crook of his knees. He stood as far back from the entrance as he could, while still being able to see the situation. "Alright, ready!"

"Here we go! On boom!" Snork readied. "One, two,

" _BOOM_!"

There was a great loudness shaking the rocks, and they plummeted down the slope. Fresh air blasted in with a smell of sweet smoke and dust. Moomin stood back as far as he could, pulling Snufkin closer to himself, until the rubble settled completely. A clear shaft of light entered the cavern.

Moomin held tight to Snufkin. Once it seemed every stone had settled for good, approached the new formation with apprehension. The rocks had made something of a pyramid, a staircase to the hole above, and Moomin gave a kick on the nearest boulder. It didn't budge, and so he tentative step up on the makeshift structure.

"I don't want to disturb the rocks too much if I can." Snork said, backlit as he peered in. "They should be stable, but too much weight could cause a major shift. We can easily send some of us down though. Can you guys get out on your own?"

"Yes." Moomin answered.

"Okay. We're going to hold a rope for you, grab it when you're high enough."

Careful as he could, he carried Snufkin and himself up and out. It was an easy journey, although easy may have been relative. Still, there was a path for Moomin, asking for nothing but his feet to stay steady. Halfway up, a sturdy knotted rope swung. He didn't grab a knot, wasn't able to without letting go of Snufkin. But he did stay close to it.

Once he breached the opening, he drank deeply the moving air and the soft  grass beneath his feet. His friends, who looked newly freed of worry at the sight of him, let go of the rope and ran to greet him. Snorkmaiden, Moominpapa, Moominmama, Little My, Sniff, all were overjoyed.

"We got 'em!" Snork pumped his fist. "Good to see you safe and-- Wait, what's wrong with Snufkin?"

The group stopped their celebration with worry, taking in the sight of Moomin's ruined, dirty fur and Snufkin's limpness. Moominmama and Papa came to Moomin, concerned, and Moominmama took Moomin's face in her hand, looking into his eyes with a question.

Moomin began to cry.

"He's okay." He said, feeling the warm weight of Snufkin in his arms. "We're okay." 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T GET USED TO LONG CHAPTERS, I SAY, AS I POST OVER 1K WORDS THAN I PLANNED EACH CHAPTER TO BE
> 
> First of all FIRST of all I want to thank tumblr user dragoncartridge for fulfilling [A LITERAL DREAM OF MINE AND MAKING ART OF MY FIC!!!!! IT'S SO CUTE GO LOOK AT IT GO LOOK AAAAA!!!!!](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184884125189/dragoncartridge-inspired-by-yearn-no-more-by)
> 
> (if any of yall out there have some LEMME SEEEEEE PLEEEEEEASE)
> 
> You may notice that the chapter count increased! Getting feedback in real time is one of the best parts of writing fics. Yall will have insights into my work that I didn't think of, or help me realize that there are at least 5k words that need to be written and at least 2k words that i had written before I published the first chapter that are completely useless to the story as it stands and are either going to be rewritten or scrapped entirely! 
> 
> ψ(・⺫・‶)
> 
> This is the pleasure of working in a serialized medium. 
> 
> The next chapter is already written, thank god, which gives me some breathing room. I used to looke at some people's A/Ns and say "how can you write so much extra?" and here I am, Pagliacci. 
> 
> Frustrations out of the way, THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE COMMENTS AND KUDOS! Even if I don't reply, I either hold the happiness in my heart or have so much happiness I don't know how to reply quite yet! Please, feel free to say something! 
> 
>  
> 
> [AND MAKE SURE TO LEAVE FEEDBACK ON THE ART IF YOU CAN](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184884125189/dragoncartridge-inspired-by-yearn-no-more-by)
> 
>  
> 
> notes from next chapter:  
> you dont have the freedom of a choice if you dont know you have one/bebop its moominpapa the shock jock comin atcha live, first caller wants to know about a relationship on the rocks, go for papa 
> 
> (les work thru this cold! ε=o(´ﾛ｀||))


	6. I Say Another Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my absence. In a condition not unique to me, I found this chapter unrefined in comparison to the others I have posted, and had not written as much of the next chapters as I would have liked-- And did not find myself liking them nearly as much. There were so many people who have said they look forward to new chapters, and when I found myself missing the Friday deadline, I froze. I had missed my mark, and posting the chapter as-is would be an even more disappointing experience. 
> 
> I have been working on being kinder to myself, and gave myself permission to post this the next Friday, even if I had not written more. I regret not indicating or communicating this, but, if I may be so bold, like Snufkin I had to pull away for a bit before returning. It likely won't happen again.
> 
> Thank you everyone, for supporting me. I truly appreciate your worry, loath as I am to be the cause, as it means I am worth worrying over. I hope you enjoy the chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy the work.

Snufkin awoke to pain, pain in his shoulder and a rawness in his throat. He squeaked out a groan, and buried his head to focus on inventory of his injuries. Flexing his shoulder it was a great deal sore, and his head was aching in a way that meant he needed to drink or eat.

"Snufkin?" Someone asked, and Snufkin pried his eyes open before he finished probing himself.

Moominmama looked at his face, somewhat anxious. "Are you alright, dear?"

Snufkin's head spun too much to follow his thoughts. "My shoulder hurts." He rasped instead of thinking. Moominmama sat him up, a hand on his back, and handed him a glass of water. It was cool, and welcome on his throat.

"Snufkin? Are you--" Came a voice from the side of the bed. Snufkin followed it somewhat cloudily, pulling the glass from his lips. Moomin stood near the edge of the bed, a chair pushed out from behind him as if in a hurry. "Are you alright Snufkin?" He asked mutedly, seeming to remember Snufkin could be in a delicate space.

Snufkin simply looked at Moomin. He didn't feel as happy as usual to see him, but why?

The events of the last days caught up to his mind, and heat flooded his cheeks in turn. That was why, then. He was without his overcoat and boots, which left him feeling more exposed than expected. Snufkin whipped his face to the side, and saw his hat resting on the nightstand.

He nabbed it, then shielded his face. He nodded yes to answer Moomin's question, his ears nearing magenta, the sound of the whole of the sea rushing in them and the waves crashing staccato in his chest.

Moominmama cleared her throat. "I still have to check some parts of you, to make sure there isn't any damage we can't see."  Snufkin nodded again without a word, mind racing. Moomin and Moominmama were silent, and Snufkin couldn't make out the meaning of it.

"Should Moomin go?" Moominmama asked, gentle for the both of them.

Moomin could stay. Nothing was wrong with Snufkin, and he didn't plan on doing anything indecent. Or, anything _else_ indecent. Oh gods, he had done _so much indecency_. His brain flashed through what seemed like thousands of scenes from the past days. How could he possibly show his face in this valley after all he's done?

Perhaps Moomin should go, needs to go, so Snufkin can resist the impulse to grovel and his tail until they are without company. Yes, Moomin should go, needs to go, but also needs to know he was generally wanted and it was Snufkin, not the victim of his affections. How on earth could a Mumrik accomplish this? 

Snufkin reached out with one hand, the other keeping his hat before his face, patted the bed for Moomin's paw, found it, squeezed it, then took back his hand to white-knuckle his brim.

He didn't dare look at his friend's face, afraid of what might say.

"I'll let you know when I finish, Moomin." Moominmama said softly. Snufkin heard her walk Moomin to the door, speaking in low tones to each other. Was Moomin arguing to stay, or agreeing that he shouldn't? Snufkin wasn't sure he cared to know.

"Alright. I'll see you soon Snufkin." Moomin said more audibly, followed by the squeak of the door. Snufkin didn't move his face from his hat, finding far more interest in the pilling fabric inside, and oh he needed to stitch that hole near the top. And maybe give it a wash, it's been a while, the interior might just be a different color than the exterior. Should he look for a new feather? That's something to think about. Yes, lots to think about in this hat, far more important things to focus on than whatever his beloved's face might be.

Moominmama's steps came back, heavy but gentle across the floor. "You _are_ alright, dear?"

"I'm--" Snufkin felt flushed almost purple, and there was a panic with it. "I'm embarrassed." He admitted, letting go what first came to his mind.  

"I would imagine so." Moominmama said without mockery. Snufkin heard her shake a something in a flask. "I noticed you're holding your shoulder like it hurts, and if Moomin's to be believed you two were throwing yourselves hard against boulders. I won't call it foolish, you two were trying to get out. But, I wish you had decided another course of action before you flung yourself without abandon." The pop of a cork sounded. "If you could pull your face back out? I have some medicine for you."

Snufkin did as was told, eyelids fluttering against the light. Moominmama held a silver spoon with a dark syrup which Snufkin took from her hand, careful not to spill. He let the bitter liquid over his tongue without complaint, and handed the silverware back.

"You don't have any injuries we didn't see, do you?"

"No ma'am." He said, morose despite his best efforts.

"That's good to hear." She recapped the medicine, diligently keeping her eyes from Snufkin, over organizing her collection. Snufkin watched her hands mildly until they stopped mid-movement.

Moominmama sighed, flexing her grip and setting down her instruments with a clack on the nightstand. She looked to the ceiling. "You know Snufkin, I try not to get too involved with my child's love life. I respect his ability to know his feelings, and I try to respect his privacy. How _ever_." Snufkin started when Moominmama looked him in the eyes, serious. "This whole situation is a mess, and I think it needs non-magical intervention. I care about the both of you, and I want to help. But I can't help without knowing a few things, so I'm going to ask you plainly--

"Was it the spell creating your feelings for Moomin?"

Snufkin fidgeted his fingers on the brim of his hat, resisting the urge to retreat. "No ma'am. It wasn't."

"I thought not." Moominmama's expression softened, some tenderness showing through again. "You do care for my son that way?"

"Yes, but I didn't want to say." Snufkin went white-knuckled. His open admiration of the past days felt like it was another person controlling from within his skin-- A braver one, if Snufkin kept his honesty. That person held Moomin's hand, and monopolized his time without regret, and acted on almost all Snufkin's fantastic impulses-- "At least, not like this. Looking at it feels like my heart was dredged up against my will, like I was a different person-- God, the things I said!" He ducked his face back in his hat. "It was-- appalling!"

Snufkin felt his voice getting shrill and bit back a groan. He wished desperately he could recapture his usual cool veneer, to go back to a normal which in which neither he nor his world experienced such intense upset. Moominmama was not the kind to hold the cracks in his facade against him, to fixate on his elevated emotionality, but he felt disgraced all the same. 

"The things you said where only kind, dear." Moominmama comforted. Then added, "Well, you were a little rude to Snork, but he was quite nasty to you first. You only said nice things to Moomin. At least, in my hearing."

Snufkin tried to grab memories of the things he said against the times he wanted to say those things in his head. If he could grab them out of time, he would. He would grab speaking to the mysterious woman first, or perhaps playing his harmonica, or even taking the trip out of the valley. "They were never meant to be voiced, least of all because somebody else had influenced me."

"Oh Snufkin, I'm sorry." Moominmama truly sounded it, speaking like to a child who had been hurt. "It is sad that they were dragged out of you like that, it's something no one should have to go through." Snufkin's balance tipped a bit as bed dipped under the weight of her. "You did not deserve that."

"Thank you, Moominmama." Snufkin said, pulling his face into the light again, face cooling a bit in the new air.

She shifted her weight on the edge of the bed. "If I may be honest, knowing they were your own words comes as something of a relief."

Snufkin's thoughts went to the worst place, his resentment seeking a target. How so was she relieved? Because she wanted to be right? Because she felt romance was the only way to happiness? Because she liked him better so honest, not like his usual self?

"We were worried you only said all of that to Moomin because of chance."

Snufkin blinked, and looked to her. "What?"

"Moomin was the first one you saw when you woke."She expounded. "When we first saw you, passed out in the forest. Your friends found you, and the family came to check on your health. Moomin's was the first face you saw when you awoke." She looked a little abashed, and smiled. "In our defense, it's not too long a leap to make, when one is already dealing against spells and curses."

"No, no no no." Snufkin said, insistent. "I don't need a spell to love Moomin. If anything, a curse would take away my feelings for him. Moomin is the first and only I've felt this way for, if anything his waking me is--." The first scene that came to his mind was a storybook and he stopped. Realizing his candor till the pause, he grew hot and stuck his face back into his hat. "I thought this curse or honesty was over."

"Dear, pull your face out of your hat?" Moominmama requested.

"Why should I? I have ruined half of my life. I must leave the valley immediately and never return. Please, Moominmama, just float me down the river and I'll land where I may. Do not even worry about my things, I do not deserve them. Leave my harmonica to whoever will have it, the tent to a new tramp, just leave me my hat so I never have to show my face again."

Moominmama had a smile in her voice. "Now Snufkin, I've never known you to be so dramatic."

"You've never seen me kiss your son's hand either."

"That is true." Moominmama sighed, refocusing her thoughts. "Perhaps because I already know of your feelings, you feel safer voicing them than before. Maybe you spoke that because honesty has finally become a habit."

"I have only ever been honest." Snufkin protested to the inside of his hat.

"I'm not so sure. Snufkin." Snufkin pulled his hat down below his eyes, curious. Moominmama didn't flounder, but did back up on her tone. "Well, I'm not sure I would call it dishonesty. A lie of omission, perhaps. Why didn't you tell Moomin of your feelings before now?"

Snufkin felt embarrassed energy seep out of his body, a familiar aching creeping in accentuated by his physical strain. "I made myself happy carrying a torch. Being near him was enough for happiness to--" He pressed a hand on his chest, remembering "-- _flutter_ in me, being near him as a friend was enough to cause it. I cannot have a sunset, or the birdsongs of the forest, most things I love are impermanent, and I am content. I must be content. And I must... Consider what is best for Moomin.

"I couldn't ask him to be with me, to settle for someone who can only really be with him half a year, who needs the stars far more than stable roofs. Moomin needs community, needs a home and people to thrive, and I--" He gestured loosely to himself, looking at Moominmama with broken eyes. "I am not perfect. Not as a Mumrik, and not halfway good for him. I couldn't ask to hold his heart when he can have one that is more deserving, more invariable, more fitting. It wouldn't be fair to him."

Snufkin thought to Moomin's face throughout the recent days, how happy he seemed with Snufkin's openness, an openness that could not pass through his nature, filtered by a learned pragmatism. Snufkin could only trace his shortcomings in the grain of the floor.

"Snufkin." Moominmama sounded pained. "Oh Snufkin. You value freedom very highly, yet you have left Moomin without it."

"Moomin doesn't want to live a tramp's life." He said defensively. 

"It's not that Snufkin. Understand, you took away his freedom to _choose_."

"We have discussed it, and I know him, I _know_ that he needs home stabler than I." Snufkin felt his hackles raise, but tried not to let it into his voice. "How have I been unfair?"

"You can't decide weather or not you're worthy Snufkin, all people are. Whether you're right for Moomin, that's for Moomin to decide. More than that, no one is free to make a choice if they don't know they have one to make." Her words were scolding, but tempered by a caring, so it was more lecture than admonishment. "I can't speak to Moomin's feelings, but let's say you two grew up, and Moomin cared for you, but you never said you cared for him.

"If you had spoken, he might have chosen to be with you. He might have you through the troubles you see, he might have chosen to work through them. He may rejected you outright, may have chosen to give his heart to another, he may have later chosen to break your relationship. But it is a choice he would have made, a choice you could've made together. With you staying silent on the matter, those futures are lost to him.

"You have been through a difficult thing, you and Moomin both. A regrettable thing. Not your feelings, of course," Moominmama reminded, "but your choice to express them. Freedom was taken from you then, but now you can choose how to respond. Now you both can choose where to go from here. Its source was unfortunate, and may even stay with you, but now you are free of a burden, Snufkin.

"A torch burns brightly, but if it stays sealed away it will eat the air in place it rests."

Snufkin sat, trying to parse everything Moominmama said through his overstuffed head. He thought to the matches that rested the pocket of his coat. "I... think I understand Moominmama." 

Moominmama steam was close to blowing from his ears, and felt sympathetic. "You must have an abundance of things to think about. Even without my sermon." She teased. "It's been a difficult day. It's been a scary week, looking back. Why don't you get some rest?"

Snufkin sighed deeply. He could see his boots waiting on the floor of the bed, and the bric a brac in his pockets was stacked neatly on top of his overcoat. Though he had slept for at least an hour, judging by the light, the chance of rest made him aware of his exhaustion. "That sounds a good idea, Moominmama." He finally replaced his hat on the side table, and laid back into the bed. It was soft, and in the past it was at times too soft for his liking, but he found comfort in it now.

"Alright dear." Moominmama stood and gathered her spoon and medicinal kit, blowing out the lamp.

She paused at the door and looked slightly over her shoulder. "Now, please don't run off before you get a chance to speak with Moomin? I won't make you promise, but I'd at least like a goodbye before we float you down the river."

She closed the door. Snufkin laid with the thought in his minds, and sunk into sleep despite himself.

* * *

Moomin made his way to the bedroom door, keeping an eye on the room for as long as he could, seeing the closed door before Snufkin's face.

He sighed, looking forlornly at the woodgrain. His heart felt cracked in his chest, Snufkin's slight pressure on his paw doing little to bolster.

He could hear Moominmama move away from the door, and there was the impression of speech, but the idea of trying to make it out made a stone in his stomach. He needed to be away from the door, away from the hallway that had it, away from the house that held the hallway. He went down the stairs, slowly, aware his body was battling against part of his mind.

When he opened the front door, he saw the sun almost set and felt the air tipping to the side of cool. He sat on the porch steps, unable to walk farther out, but lightly as to not break whatever peace there was.

He heard a rocking chair creak forward. Moominpapa was out on the porch as well, rocking in his chair, looking at Moomin with mild surprise.

"Ah, Moomin, has Snufkin awoken?" He asked, sounding in a writer's melancholy cheer.

"He has." Moomin said. He looked to the horizon in the stead of his father or his house.

"That's good to hear, good to hear. It would be great if this is the end of him scaring us so terribly!" He leaned back again. "Snork came around, wanting to apologize and check on you two. I sent him away, Snufkin was still under, but you might seek him out later."

Moomin hummed an acknowledgement. He and Moominpapa sat in silence for a bit, letting the darkening air cover them.

"Papa," Moomin asked, "do you think Snufkin will be cross with me when he wakes up?"

Moominpapa let the chair creak a couple of times. "No, I don't think so. I really don't think so, to say it aloud. If anything, I should think he's worried you'll hate him."

"I could never!" Moomin protested, whipping to look at and impress this on Moominpapa. "I don't think I know how!"

"I don't think he knows how to hate you, Moomin." Moominpapa said. "Can I ask where this thought came from?"

Moomin's ears drooped. "Well, he-- He hid his face from me when he woke up, and Moominmama thought it would be best to send me away, and not visit until he asked for me. And we don't know the true motives behind everything that's happened, he might hate everything that has happened these last few days..."

Moominpapa rocked, back then forth. "Well, it's been an exhausting time for him, and all of it was situated around you." Moominpapa saw Moomin sag lower, and corrected "You can become tired from good things! And even people you love! Goodness," A nostalgia took him and he sighed. "I thought I would faint when I told Moominmama how strongly I felt!"

"Did you?"

"Ah, well-- No." Moominpapa blinked, pulled before he could fall into a true reverie. "Just felt that way."

"Snufkin did." Moomin said blandly.

Moominpapa laughed. "Well, he must have felt very strongly in that case." He sighed when he caught Moomin's still distraught face. "I think an important question here is how you feel, Moomin. How are you holding?"

"I don't know." Moomin looked to the early stars of the sky. "I guess... I guess I don't know what to do from here. I don't know if it was the spell fueling his actions, or his own feelings, or his own feelings fueled by a spell, or even something else. What happens next is--" Moomin huffed out an embittered breath. "What happens next is entirely dependent on whichever is true."

Moominpapa sat back again, letting them both bathe in thought.

"You know, I can't say the development of... Romantic feelings between you two was entirely expected." Moominpapa said, stroking his chin. "Can't say it's entirely unexpected either, if I'm honest."

Moomin snorted. "Well, maybe on my part. If it _were_ on my part--" he corrected hurriedly, "but on Snufkin's?" Moomin looked to the ground, the same tire taking him. "Everything about these days has been unexpected. No one could have seen his feelings coming in a million years."

Moominpapa scoffed. "Moomin, that boy dotes on you. Has since his first visit down. He doesn't travel here every spring to play me songs, I can tell you that." He crossed his arms, definitive. "And don't you even try to argue that that boy doesn't like you a great deal! Spell or no spell, friend or else, it's a little late for that. You're deep in his heart, Moomin, deep enough that even I know so."

Moomin turned back to the darkening sky. "That just makes me even more worried that he won't like me in any way when this is all over."

"Well, he might not." Moominpapa said honestly. It didn't pain Moomin as much as he thought the sentiment might. "Your only job is to work with him to decide what happens next. But remember Moomin," he said seriously, "you must consider your own happiness."

Moomin looked out to the slowly appearing stars, glittering like broken glass, and the moon rising with his worry. Moominpapa creaked, frogs began to croak, and the night birds began to cry.

* * *

"Snufkin?" Moominmama asked, pushing the door open. Dinner was being prepared and Snufkin was likely as hungry as the rest of them, if not more so after expelling magic from the system. The Moomin family believed very strongly in the power of a love-made meal. At the least, she carried up a bottle of pain relief, and honey for what sounded like a gritted throat.

There was no answer, the lamp unflickering. The moon came in through the open window, breeze light. Moominmama used the light to walk carefully across the floorboards, knowing that waking at least for more medicine would be best for the young man. She leaned over the bed, debating the best way to wake him, with a nudge or a soft word. 

The bed was messy, covers astrew, and lacking a body.

Moominmama but a hand on the sheet, finding it too cool for a recent leaving. The open window let the moonlight hit the empty spots where Snufkin's belongings had laid. Resting in their place was a note, scribed in an unpracticed hand

_I cannot bear another goodbye, but I will give another hello._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first-- MORE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ART THAT HAS EVER EXISTED 
> 
> Both are from last chapter, which really makes me happy. [Here](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184979321594/please-read-yearn-no-more-it-is-so) is a lovely comic with Snufkin's confession (such nice lines!), and [ here](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184980078174/okayomayo-ive-been-reading-yearn-no-more-on-ao3) is another beautiful one with the lights in Snufkin's eyes (so emotional!)! Thank you so much to billiondollarbeet and okayomayo. 
> 
> Please support them if you can!!! I feel blessed to have such talented artists following the story.
> 
> In more happy news, KITTENS! A half-stray had kittens under my sofa, and at 3 weeks they've started wandering out to see us!!! They're so soft, and so sweet, and make me feel so special to behold. 
> 
> Please leave feedback, even if it is to scold me haha. I appreciate it. 
> 
> Notes From Next Chapter: *FWEEEEET* COME ON OUT YOU BITCH/Moomin walked the forest path, kickin rocks n shit
> 
> See you next Friday! (Most likely. Saturday at the latest this time!)


	7. Update: Hiatus is not forever! But is still for now.

Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait, but the wait will be a little longer-- I'm going through some very tumultuous times in my personal life which are exacerbating my existing mental illnesses. 

The next chapter is partially edited, the chapter after is partially written, this fic is NOT ABANDONED!!! It is a hibernation. 

Thank you everyone for your patience-- And there is new art! I'm going to put a link to all of the fanart at the bottom of the fic so you can see all of it at once. They all link to my tumblr because I know for a fact my username will never change, but please feel free to reblog directly from the source! 

I hope you have a happy day. 

 

TCM

 

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: 
> 
> [Here](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184978538219/what-are-the-triggers-for-yearn-no-more-i-want-to) is the most thorough, spoilery list of things that may trigger.
> 
> Please be aware this work deals with influencing emotion. It is not through any realistic abusive manner, i.e. through emotional manipulation.
> 
> Emotional invalidation shows up a few times in the work. 
> 
> These are not prevalent elements, but be careful all the same! As always, it is impossible to anticipate every trigger. If there is anything outstanding, I welcome notes on them.
> 
> FANART:  
> [Scene from Chapter 2](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184884125189/dragoncartridge-inspired-by-yearn-no-more-by) by dragoncartridge on tumblr.  
> [Scene from Chapter 5](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184979321594/please-read-yearn-no-more-it-is-so) by billion dollarbeet on tumblr.  
> [Scene from Chapter 5](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/184980078174/okayomayo-ive-been-reading-yearn-no-more-on-ao3) by okayomayo on tumblr.  
> [A scene from Chapter 5](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/185504443694/fullychaoticpatrol-ive-been-postponing-this-for) by fullychaoticpatrol on tumblr.  
> [A scene from Chapter 2](https://temencmoth.tumblr.com/post/185961650104/in-the-midst-of-my-art-hiatus-to-read-fanfic-i) by thefearisonesself on tumblr.
> 
> if you have fanart not listed above, i would just love to see it! Leave a comment on the work or send me a message on tumblr and I'll add it on the list!


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